<~~~ Devilaid's Inner Side ~~~>

In my 19 years of life... i cld never undestand one thing.. Why people that at a point of time meant alot to u, cld gone or walk away jus like tat. As though u never know them.. As though they don't know tat at tat particular point of time of ur life, they actually meant alot to u...

Have u ever wonder why?? Well, if u don, i guess i have and always will be.. Or have u ever wonder if u ever had done it to someone.. I haven't but i wonder how they feel... Do they walk out jus like tat witout guilt?? Or do they feel guilty but never cld go back?? Or they jus enjoy making ppl suffer...?? Wat is it?? i wonder...

Its always a wonder...Maybe they don feel how it is felt to have someone tat meant alot to u to jus walk away or dissappear jus like tat.. It suck... It feels like shit... It feels like the whole world abandon u.. It feels BETRAYED!!!! Damn Fucking Shit Up BETRAYED!!! Wanna know why..?? coz the person who u tot wld be there for u.. who at the point of time means something to u.. who at tat time make u feel tat there is something nice to look forward to in life wen everything i shit up.. jus walk away.. or jus dissappear... imagine the ones who mean alot jus dissappear or walk out of ur life... GOd.. even a loner or jus some ppl, who are disable or wat so ever knows how it feels la.. even ur pet knows how it feels la.... BETRAYED!!!!! fucking shit BETRAYED!!!

Haiz...still dun understand why some of these ppl jus walk away or dissappear jus like tat... its like u come, u be for tat person.. be his or her backbone..help in al u can, promise tis n tat... than u walk away... its like the same like u come to the restaurant, ask for the waiter.. get a conversation with him or her.. saying all kinds of things.. making the waiter trust tat u are gonna order some fancy shit, then u tell the waiter... ok i need to think wat to eat.. there is like a whole lots of stuff.. i cant decide... waiter say ok.. then in a while.. u walk off.. just like tat.. the waiter than was shock.. and say.. fuck tat customer sah.. this n tat.. last walk off never buy anything.. two-faced-pain-in-the-ass...

So... if anyone would like to answer or debate or give ur opinion.. jus go ahead k.. would love to hear from other ppl point of view.. Why do ppl cld jus walk away frm our life.. jus like tat... why?? how cld they??? how???

Well, do not really knows the history behind vesak dae, but hey, its a public holidae...haha.. well.. basically..spent the day at home...doing alot of stuff... well not tat alot but.. but yeah...

In the morning.. not exactly morning wen i woke up.. was like noon la.. da ptg la sei... hahaha.. Wake up, seeing my cousin jus came back from bangkok/thailand. Bought me t shirt.. nice la sei.. haha. And 2 key chains, one is elephant, the other one is a kid looking small doll, wearing a tradisional clothing..their tradisional clothing la.. was cute...

Then followed mum to Cwp.. she want to buy some stuff in cold storage.. Tot she wanted to cook the normal stuff...followed her ard.. then come back.. she cook chicken rice.l the sambal was like power la... Go MummY!!... haha.. By then, i think she metion to me like 3 times already tat she wanted to see the movie congkak...

Aft she cook and all.. she quickly sit at the living room's sofa.. wanna know why... haha coz there was a scary story.. hahaha.. she was like concentrating and watching it la.. while i clean up the last bits aft she cooked.. haha no big deal anywae..

Then... aft we sit and watch several stories, se told me to get up and help her clean up the storeroom!!! damn.. seriously.. there was like a tonns of stuff la inside...so we took quite a while to clean i up.. aft clean up, and throwing the rubbish and all... i wen to mum's room since she was like lying down.. i lie down beside her.. and fallen asleep... hehe.. tired la sei...By this time.. its like alot of times already tat she mention to me tat she want to see the movie..

I sleep abt.. not more than an hour.. i think.. then my cousin ask me to follow her go take the pics she sent for printing at one of the Cwp photo shop... then mum ask to do some checking stuff.. then ask me to get money n buy tickets to watch the movie..

Then.. its the 9.55pm show.. cousin have to head home.. so its jus my 2nd sis, lil bro, mum dad n me... the sotry was like keep making us shoock... if got heart attack can die... haha... was and enjoying dae aftall... haha..at least somehing...

At times when i pause and jus keep to my own mind, in a way jus sit and kept quite and jus reflect what ever i felt like in my own mind and heart....At times it ends with me feeling lost and confused, or sometimes jus blur, while at other times i jus felt sad and lonely.. Maybe its just typical..Or maybe its not.. Maybe i am disturbed, maybe i am not..Maybe i am jus disturbed by the past..Or even the present..

At times, as i look ard me.. seeing the ppl ard me, alot went thru the mind. Sometimes wen i see ppl ard me so happily laughing, i wonder wat makes them so happy. Somtimes it makes me wonder how ppl could be so happy at times, without realising someone close to them is suffering in some other ways. Then wen i see a mum and her childrens, i like to see the reactions between the kid and them. See how they response to watever their mum told or talked to them abt. Alot then came across the mind. Like wen i see mum saying or telling something to the kid, and the kid react like he doesn't care or in a bad way..i wonder why we kids do that sometimes.. Thinking back, i woder how many times i hated my mum naggings...but then as my life past by..realising how much she have scacrifice for us, how much she she forgiven us or not..how much she say alot of stuff tat is good for us but we hate it when she told us that wat we do is wrong.. Then after everything.. i realise, no matter how much she may hate wat i do.. or no matter if she would throw me out for wat ever reason ( touch wood, I never done anything wrong..) no matter how much she may hate me.. I on the other hand would always treasure her.. for all tat she done.. for all...

At times, when i see ppl...i feel irritated by the way they treat others or even me.. Like the times wen u are like being ignored, or being treated as if u are never there wen u are actually part of the team. Like in sch, its suposed to be a grp werk, then they like say its ok.. jus read the on the stuff i do the ppt... i know its easier.. but i feel tat i not doing anything.. it piss me off.. The fact that i feel tat i am like not doing anything and all piss me off.. Coz i feel tat i am not contributed and on top of tat it really make me feel lost.. i know u guys are fast learners and all that.. but i am not.. sorrie i am like this.. but seriously ppl..let me know wat u ppl doing...Then at times wen i see ppl treating their so called love ones like.. like their dog, must follow every single thing they say, i feel sad for the person, pity the person for always having to do watever they are told.. While at times i saw who shout at their gf in the middle of the world, i feel really angry, even if u are angry and even if ther gal do something wrong, can't u guys settle it in private... are u guys so damn shameless??!! for goodness sake every1 would be staring guys.. i know its ur own fucking buiseness la.. but common la.. no shame? And pls.. mind the ppl ard la.. it disturb the peace of others k.. especially those malay couples.. act like they are so big shot like tat... if u not shame.. we malays feel every shameful tat such ppl exsist in our community.. we are usually related to good cultured community..

Of course.. there is alot of stuff that i saw.. for now.. i think i could only saw this much...Till next time...

-= DeviLAid =-

Well, its been a while since i last updated my blog... Well, at times i felt that there nothing to tell u ppl. Well, maybe there is stuff that happen, but its not such a big deal.. so i felt tat its useless to post it..

Anywaes.. MOTHER's dae ard the coner.. damn... out of money.. sch makes me spend alot i guess.. haiz... so the sad. Even if i have the money.. do not know wat to buy for her... haha.. so the pathetic rite.. haiz... so the sad.. The other day, i went to Ayer Hitam, its in Jb...some sort like a nearly 2 hrs f bus ride.. if u take the express bus.. if not.. it will be like a 3 hrs plus kinda ride.. haha.. Went wit mum, dearest cousin ( like my sis, like my mum also to me..) and her daughters.. haha 2 small kid.. she live in jb, so ask her to bring us... i am actually happy going there with them.. even though it abit sad that nowadays no one follows her ard anymore.. only me wenever i cld.. Was happy i got to spend the whole day wit her.. even if she was concentrating on my sis coming wedding preparations.. got myself an spongebob pillow.. haha cute.. we walk n walk n walk... keep buying drinks coz it was hot.. and thirsty.. mum keep feeling thirsty.. then.. after that.. wen we nearly going home.. we then go and eat.. at this lke coffee shop... the fried rice.. was damn spicy.. nice.. seriously.. different from sg one la.. then with yong tau foo...haha power la..its like kampong taste ( the fried rice i mean) haha... Its nice to taste something diffent from the typical tase of sg... but overall, i had fun.. really.. jus following her ard.. This was my labour day, spending day out in jb wit mum.. Sooriiiiee tat it was like a week or two ago la.. haha...

Then wat else happen... hmmm...then... a friend of mine.. who i known not for like such a long time.. but we gotten close... hehe.. its a wonder how we cld get close with someone on such short notice.. haha.. but a sweet person.. sometimes would call me later at nite to talk to me till i feel sleepy.. Normal case la.. Cant sleep.. haiz... still the same prob.. haiyo.. anywae... The friend.. have to go oversea!!!! so the sad...and the fact that i missed the person msn msg jus b4 went off.. i was offline told the person to call b4 wenting off.. but msn.. haiz.. but its ok... the day before we talk on the fone.. was singing to me songs after song.. haha so the sweet.. but lets pray he goes and come home safetly k...after 4 months then will be back.. haiz.. its okie...

THen.. wat else happen.. hmm.. as per normal.. we get irritated by some ppl at sch and such.. haha ros shld know who.. haha anywaes.. life as per normal goes on.. wit all the problems and such in my head.. well.. still having my morning pains and all.. my back still hurts.. haiz... wonder wat will happen next....