<~~~ Devilaid's Inner Side ~~~>

For once in my life, all i ever wanted to have a lil peace in mind… At first i tot the holidays are going to be a breeze…Just to care abt stuff like, sch FYP, Cambodia trip, and that is it.. other stuff i can chill like my sis getting married… it not a problem tat i have to think much since it is in Jun. So i tot, its just going to be abt FYP and Cambodia trip… but hell… no….

Suddenly, my pay was not in properly, sudden shortage of money for the trip. planned to buy stuff for the family… but see how la…Then all other stuff or problems filled up my mind.. damn…. iTs like all of a sudden there is alot of problem came tumbling by….

I am not complaining… they say god gives us the problems he gives us, coz he knows we can handle them…well, i guess, i shld just trust him… ahh… i think i just need to relax…

Lately, i have been a lil tired, washed out, worn out and such. By the time i reached home, my mood turn from ok, to not ok. Well, my start of 2009 has been like tense up. Its like i got too much to do, so little time.

Well, at first i was not serious about going on this particular overseas tirp, but then i kinda gotten into it. signed it up with a friend. Thought about it, and i was like, fine what the hell, its the last year of sch anywae. So why not just go for it. Anywae, its time i go out and explore a lil bit. And on the top of that got to do some service to the world. So i will be going to cambodia. To help and gain some exprience in this particular hospital which is called CCAMH if i am not wrong, it is centr for children and mental hospital. In particularly, i am going there to create awareness on kids having epilepsy. So will get to work wit the staff there, the kids and such. Its like community service, voluntary work or such but it wil have gaining of knowledge and gain of exprience, they called it service learning.. well, there is lots more to it...

Then there is FYP, final year project, in which we are kinda depressed by the fact that we didn't get our first choice of project... which deals with coral reefs, and the fact that we were so pumped up for it, and i had read articles and such regarding it.. but what the hell, the PI didn't choose us. So its ok. Then today last min, my gro were told to write up and essay to tell another PI on our some sort of ideas on how to go about doing another project tittle. its abt contact lens and bacteria and such. So i was like wanted to go home after schoool, coz this few days i always end up going home late. but can't again.. haha... so had to stay did the essy with the rest of the grp. mar was having her FOP meeting.. haha...i help the FnB crew a lil...

THen, after the essay was done then i gotten to go home...but then can't just rest rite, i had to do my Rj, help mum clean the kitchen a lil bit... then now doing this. U must b wondering why i even bother to do this bloggin since i am so tired... that lead to another thing... the fact that recently i cant seem to get to sleep!! shitlets.. totally not fair la.. have no idea why thou. at nite, i just can't get to sleep. Its a bother. seriously. some say i stress, some say i think too much or wat so ever.. but frankly, i have no idea, and how i wish i can get to knoe and get to solve it. SO end up i sleep late, or i sleep for an hour or two and i wake up. haha...Then tomorrow i got UT to do, and the fact i can't do it on this lappy cause it does not have the school stuff on it. So have to use paper, which means i cannt refer to sch notes... AAHHHH!!!! haha... i miss my lappy... it is still in futjisu hospital. haha...

Ouh.. there is new staff at werk.. haha.. just gotten to know last sat when i werk. hardly know them cause i seldom werk these days... can't have the time. by the week is over, i am damn tired and just want to sit and home and rest or sleep. haha... but i have too right. for the sake of money i have to werk. haiz.. but its ok.. i am used to all this... just tot i blog the updates for this weekkk... haha...

Life, is...weird, confusing, mind bobbling, like a twister, like a roller coaster ride, like the waves that crashes which have different ups and downs or length of each wave. Every step we take, every decision we choose have its pros and cons, but yet we have to go on. One can't just give up halfway through, even so, we can't do that, unless we just want to dropped dead and give up. But I guess its not that simple. That why no matter what, we have to go on. In life we can never predict everything. Think about it...how many of our plans did go exactly go to plan. When u think about it, never. There will always have a slip or a lil change. Even the slightest thingy, there will be a change, never on plan. But then, if u think about it, sometimes change is good, to make u do something different from what u normally do, to make u realise something that u never realise before, or just to get u into something different from normal. But then if u look at it again, sometimes, change maybe for the worse. Like u gotten dump, or heartbroken, u hate and that hate changes to change ur character, to the worse... It can go both ways, good or bad...then life changes again.
Then sometimes when u think again, what is the true meaning of life? One may not even think about such question ever...One may wonder what is the true meaning of life when one is down or like me, when in slumber, or when stress, at the verge of breaking apart, me wonder what is the true meaning of life? To suffer? To enjoy? To live just so we can die? To love and be loved? Or to get hurt or hurt someone? Thou many times I question, I never get the answer... some say it depends on how u lead ur life, ur responsibility and such. Well, maybe it is that or maybe it is not. Then came along the question what is my purpose in life and question like what the hell I want in life? Is it as simple as having goals and aims? Is that it or is it more than that... deeper than that...
But then again, when u think about it, sometimes some questions are just meant to be ponder upon. And that some answers are never clear...