<~~~ Devilaid's Inner Side ~~~>

 

Tears…

It fell out so ever easily.

Like unexpected drizzle or rain…

When u are happy,

It fell out from your eyes..

When u are sad,

It flows down ur cheek endlessly…

When u are worried,

It drips out a lil…

When u are Lonely,

It stays in ur eyes till u blink it out…

Its like a Tap,

The difference???

A tap is controlled by u, by ur hands…

While Tears,…

Is controlled by emotions that runs deep inside ur heart…

An heartahe that seems to never heal.

Its aches goes deeper than one could foresee…

Within that lines of pain,

Lies a story.

A long winded story,

That could shorten to a pharse of 3 words…

“She love him…”

As every 365 days pass by,

One year passes by…

Growing older by age and looks…

While maturity and thinking may or may not ever grow…

 

As year after year pass by,

Many things happen…

Incidents that we may like…

While other are acidents that we hate for the rest of our lives…

 

Things we regret are kept locked in te coner,

While sweet memories are recalled from time to time…

Is it worth it to recall such matter??

Worth it or not.. we still do recall…

 

As these years pass by…

We have did many things…

Good or Evil…

If we regret, all we could say now is sorry…

 

Yet saying sorry seems easy,

But its not.

Sometimes, U don’t even think u did anything wrong…

People don’t understand u.

So all u could do is say sorry for all that mistakes…

 

A year have pass by…

I’m older by a year..

Sorrie to all that i have made mistakes to..

Sorrie to all that i have hurt..

Sorrie to all… for wat ever reason..

 

A year have pass…

It have pass… and gone..

Hence now… life goes on…

Its weird how something seem so strong could end instantly...

Its interesting how one could get over a love that was lost quickly...

Thou, its also heartbreaking to be weeping in silence.

Its cruel. Its unfair. Its painful. Its everything one do not want to feel...

But yet, one still have to pick herself up, no matter how much pain she have to bear with...

As the chest heavies with endless pain, one would struggles in the depth of the shadows alone...

Smile, Laugh, be Cheerful. Fake it all. Make it look like this pain is nothing.

Cause like it or not, it over and done with.

The only truth remains is that life...still goes on.

Everything is bear by u and u alone..

That`s the fucked up fact of life.... Everything lies on u ad u alone...

Looking at the dark night sky,

Ur image appears in my vision…

It makes me wonder,

Do i still have feelings for u?

Or is its just memories that flows endlessly…

I shut my eyes really hard.

Hoping it would all disappears…

 

But,

To my despair…

The tots of u still lingers…

Ur sweet smile,

Ur deep voice,

Ur warm hug,

And those endless times that u keep my head up…

Damn, i still want u.

 

I shakes my head…

Wanting to go back to reality.

These are just….

Memories beneath a dark sky….

Now…

The fact remains,

U are gone.

And i am… yet alone…

In the mist of darkness,

Only a candle of light remains…

A suffering.

Living in depths of loneliness,

And darkness..

 

Every second goes by,

Not a word is heard…

Engulfed by the darkness,

One by one,

The senses lose their ability…

 

Touching nothing,

Hearing nothing but silence,

Tasting and smelling nothing but bitterness,

Seeing nothing but the darkness…

 

The imagination that was a companion,

Slowly fades away…

As the darkness creeps in…

Taking over what left…

 

Wonder what’s left.

Trapped…

 

Tell me,

Where is the opening for my escape???

Just like every other things in the world that have rules and regulations, at home, we do have rules and regulations. Mainly the one who sets up the rules and regulations are our elders, our parent. Yes, i am regulated by my elders, my parents (mainly my mother only…my father never cared about us since young..) and having two elder sisters, are even worse. hahaha!

Well, lets see if i could tell you how am i regulated. My mother is those who is very strict. Some ground rules would be, no staying over at people’s house, no going home late, no voice louder than her or my sisters (its rude…) and alot of other stuff. She may not lay all the ground rules, well she never does lays any ground rules, but since i live her all my life, and my sisters too, we all knows what she likes and do not like. Never slam things, never that and never this…

Then my sisters, elder than me too kinda have a say in regulating me. At least my second sister does since my first sister is the type where she is very soft and never scolds and all. So second sister would be the one who sometimes ask me where i am if i am a little late before mother ask. The she would complain to mother if she thinks i did something wrong. She also a little protective. she would sometimes scolds me, or like scolded my friend if she do not like something. There was once, she actually went to where i was, since she knows where i am that day, then goes to my friend who have been making me stress up, using my hp and all and scolded her. Hahaha… it was scary, but now when i think about it, its funny. But it was only because she is very protective of her family. She is very bold for a lady, and always stands for what she thinks right, and usually she just say what she feel. Sometimes i think she talk too much and she need t careful of what she say but she someone who is like that. So it can’t be helped, and she is someone who never forgive you if u mess with her family. Its scary. I think she took my mother’s fierce side…Hahah…

While my other sister, she took my mother’s soft side. Never scold, never get angry easily…very patient…could never be like her. But she does talk to you if something happen and all. Or like she don’t really like something. She would give warning.

That is overall how i am regulated at home. But mother is really feirce. Scary at times. Being the third daughter was stresfull, still am now. Cause the freedom is lesser compared to my friends and all. But i gotten used to it. So its fine. Love them all, dispite the stressfulness.

For once in my life i crave for a vacation. Even a short one would do. All i need is to be away from all this hectic and rushes of life. Its like we are moving all so fast that after sometime, we lost our roots. We lost the the answers to questions like, why am i doing this? what is it for? who is it for? What we want for life? and once we lost these roots, these answers to these questions…Then we would stop and wonder… what now? What am i doing again? and it would all end up to this phrase…

“i don’t know…”

Well, frankly, i won’t know if others feel like this or experience these kinds of situation before but i do. Right now, i am at the phrase of my life which i think i need to figure out what i need to do. For other people older than me or some friends, they would say things like, its easy, just go find a job la… or why don’t u just continue school la…These people should understand the fact that things are never easy like they say it is. its never that easy. It’s more complicating than that.

So, few days ago, or more like a while back, i sit down and think. Yes i am going to get a job and see how things goes…

But then…

but then…

But after that…

Then wat???…..

A question that remains unknown….

Life??

What is it about life??

What does it want us to do??

Why do we have to live this life?

Can we just leave it all behind without a say???

 

Life…

Sometime it sucks,

Somtimes it great,

It is unpredictable…

 

Life…

Sometimes its interesting,

Sometimes its boring,

Its twisted…

 

Life…

Can be sweet,

joyful,

Its wonderful…

 

Life…

Can be cruel,

painful and unfair,

Its screwed…

 

Life…

Weather we like it or not,

We still have to go on…

Coz that’s life…