<~~~ Devilaid's Inner Side ~~~>

Life is being the same as ever.. a lil bored now and then, and such. Sch pp/project is still not done.. damn i am done for!!! haha... it will turned out fine in the end.. no worries. Worrying makes me have migraine again...

Yesterday, was wed, no sch!!! woke up ard 1pm haha... talk2 with mum... then jus chill, watch cd... then ard 7 had to send my lil bro to tuition ard admiralty area. So decided to meet yanty while waiting for my bro for like 2hr 30min tuition... so yeay!! haha... was great hanging out wit her again... while waitin for her, someone Called!!!!!!!!! hehe... it made me really smile la.... dun know whhy... haha...

It was my 1st ex... u know wat..the first time i was with him tak ampai bape hari... coz we never talk!! haha.... we like strangers wen walkin together... so yeah.. so then kat ard sec 4 aru contact alik... patch then break... patch break.. but we still kawan ah close.. coz he n me.. never really gaduh... hehe pelik seh.. he never call or sms unless i sms him.. Unlike wen were together la kan... hehe.. so it was so the pelik... but hehe it made my day! made me really happy. i think its coz we are friends and he is such a nice guy. but too bad we not together anymore. i dun mind tho. we both got alot of responsibility to our family and wat we want to achieve. That y we separated. we jus wont have time. haha... but its cool tho.. so it was fine... so nice to hear from him.. haha.... hehe.... terbiat....

Anywae... haha just tot i share it since it made happpy.. i guess sometimes even a simple fon call from a friend cld make u smile.. hehe.... Like since lately i been feelin a lil stress out n such rite.. he knoes... so he call to jus say hi and all... so its fine... made my day!!! Even he dun know i blog this... he dun know my blog or msn... haha so ok la kan.. But THANKS An for making my dae!!!!

haha bye ppl!! till next time....

Beneath these cheerful smiles,

Not one realize.

How much pain lies in the smile...

All the masked smiles,

All the forceful torturing smiles and laughter...

Not one, Not one realizes...

 

Beneath these bright clear eyes,

Yet again, Not one realize.

How much tears it sheds...

All the holding back and unseen flow of tears....

All the pain n fears it sees n felt...

Not one, Not one ever realizes...

 

Beneath the dark blue gloomy night sky,

Still with no one realizing it...

I am left alone...

The lonely, lifeless feeling I got...

The feeling that no one know the real me...

Till the moment i lost myself,

Not one, Still no one realizes....

 

Beneath the same dark sky,

I Question myself,

If...Anyone would ever realize the torture i was forced to smile with.

If...Anyone could sees n feel the pain n fears i sees.

If...Anyone would ever realize i need someone there.

If...anyone could realize i need unleashed the real me...

If...Anyone would realize i need to find myself,

To leave this darkness of loneliness and pain...

Will anyone ever Realize???

Damn... i feel so stress...now.. in class... Jus now, roru said i am an owl... U wanna know why... coz i didn't sleep yesterday...sleep at ard 6am... wake up ard 30mins after that.. haha!! By now u guys shld have guess... that i am super bored, i dun understand a shito... and i dun know wat gonna happen...Damn seh... stesss stresss.... how how how.....Mind not working, not getting anything... nothing at all!!!! i dun know! a thing....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SHITO...

Its 2:11 am, I really am tired, but i just can't seem to fall asleep peacefully. When i could fall asleep, i would then woken up a minutes after that. It became a lil stressful. It has been on for the past few days. Wonder wats wrong now. So today, i tried to sleep, but then i can't so i given up, so decided to just open my lappy, see wat i cld do. Oh well... But i seem to like lost interest in everything i do. I wanted to do my PP, but i just can't do it. Part of me is tired, but since i can't sleep, it explain why i can't seem to do anything.

Don't you think people can be so complicated at times...Like this person, seem so nice to me, talk to me from time to time. Then, to me if u are friends, you shld know that we can't be msging everyday. Its logical right. We all are busy with our own life... Then suddely a msg comes up... saying something that i never did do... saying i only msg the person if i need something. Well, mum tot me never depend on people... and so it becomes me, i never like depending on people... i dun ask for anything from anyone. Never expect any help from anyone too. The person know that and shitty said tat in the msg... i was like furious.. keep it out of my mind... damn... sometimes i wonder why people like tat... funk u know me... and u said tat... freak... u FUCKING SHIT!!!!... MOTHER FUCKING SHIT U!!!... really SIALANZZZzzzz kau... mati tak nak pe!!!...I don't need poeple to fuck up my life coz i think it is already shit up...And if U think i am that bad... DAmn then FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE K.... THIS GOES TO ALL OUT THERE WHO KNOWS ME... IF U THINK I AM BEING UR FRIEND COZ I WANT SOMETHING FROM U... THEN JOLLY WELL FUCK OFF.... i become someone friend coz i just feel like, coz i tresure the friendship we make...coz i never tot u would stab my back...coz i wanna be there for u ppl... not coz of fame( if u think u are that famous or popular..) Not coz of money (i dun think money make the world go round) Not coz of anything... i just like being ppl friends...friendship is something u treasure, all the momentu were there for ur friend, all the time u spent laughing or even crying, out if stress, pain or anything... knowing someone is there for u too.... tat is just it...

i guess it explains why i only hand out with few ppl...cox there is ppl tat is just damn complicated and crazy!!

HAIZzzzz.....

My view on myself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of boyfriend am i looking for:

You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

My readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of my love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

My views on education

Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for me:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do i view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are my most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is my true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

Basically, i took this personality test, posted by AHMAD in his bloggy. So i tried, and This is the result... Sruprisingly, most parts are true...i post the link later... kinda lost it.. haha... So, see how well u know me... if u cld identify which is true that is.... haha!!

Lately alot had been happening. And when i say alot, it does mean alot. Lets see.. Here is the list :-

- PP ( professional profiling  my sch project ) not done...

- Sch fees transation not ok...

- chosing modules for next sem ( to go for advance diploma or not?? )

- Then a friend who wen overseas for work is currently unreachable... so miss the person...

- Then, some more money bill problems...

- Then this month never get pay...Shitty...

- Worried if my coming pay (in July stupid seh...) would be enough or not... damn it...

Well, i guess basically that is the most of the things in my mind currently.  There is also other things like worrying about my grade... About the bills...i jus don't want my family to pay for the shit mistake i did... so that why i am stressing myself so much to find money... but u know la.. its not easy... Its the reason why i start working...Haiyo.. So the stressful at times...Especially wen ur best fren always bz... ur close fren at times bz.. and u dun want to stress them much.. and to say that i think i only ahave ard four close/best fren... roru, ahamad, mar, najibul, yanty... haha... Well...even tho they are bz, its ok.. coz i still have them to go to at times.. jus that i rather leave them alone.. i be ok.. but there is also some ppl... like..someone.. who chat wth me in msn la kan... i tell him my problems and stress at times.. he seems nice...haha.. then wat.. well... life have to go on tho.. i dun like to make ppl suffer. Especially the family... that y i am trying to make uo for my mistake... haiz... hope god is on my side... haiz... lost abit at times...

Frankly, i am not sure what they mean by digital drawing.. I think it's those that u didn't draw it by hand but use of digital media... Well... so i think this is one.. well hell i do not know... but anywaes.. lets get back to this...

It was one of the day, well, not today... the one who reads up blog frequently or my friends, shld know that i do not update my blog every single day... So, it was those days that i feel down, shit up, alone, sick of life and all..Hence, this came up. Well, its amazing what ur computers and laptops and all the programs could do... Well, anywae, i was feelin shit... so yea.. i came up wit these... its wat i do. To calm myself down, i draw or paint, but since i cant do that when i am in sch or for some other reason, i do it in my laptop. It doesn't calm me down as much but i guess it helps abit.

So anywae.. i like the feelin wen we are on the swing... damn i was a child the last time i had the feeling... Freely swing away...Even if at the other side of the world or even other side of me is in chaos... Who the hell cares... the freeness... the feelin of nothing to care about in the world...  The wind in ur hair... The whooosssshhh feeling when it goes down... and up again... haha... damn i miss that feeling... but now.. all is felt is empty, alone.... What i feel these days... is the pic u see here.... The color... the empty swing... the chaos... the building ... Tell me what u think....

In my 19 years of life... i cld never undestand one thing.. Why people that at a point of time meant alot to u, cld gone or walk away jus like tat. As though u never know them.. As though they don't know tat at tat particular point of time of ur life, they actually meant alot to u...

Have u ever wonder why?? Well, if u don, i guess i have and always will be.. Or have u ever wonder if u ever had done it to someone.. I haven't but i wonder how they feel... Do they walk out jus like tat witout guilt?? Or do they feel guilty but never cld go back?? Or they jus enjoy making ppl suffer...?? Wat is it?? i wonder...

Its always a wonder...Maybe they don feel how it is felt to have someone tat meant alot to u to jus walk away or dissappear jus like tat.. It suck... It feels like shit... It feels like the whole world abandon u.. It feels BETRAYED!!!! Damn Fucking Shit Up BETRAYED!!! Wanna know why..?? coz the person who u tot wld be there for u.. who at the point of time means something to u.. who at tat time make u feel tat there is something nice to look forward to in life wen everything i shit up.. jus walk away.. or jus dissappear... imagine the ones who mean alot jus dissappear or walk out of ur life... GOd.. even a loner or jus some ppl, who are disable or wat so ever knows how it feels la.. even ur pet knows how it feels la.... BETRAYED!!!!! fucking shit BETRAYED!!!

Haiz...still dun understand why some of these ppl jus walk away or dissappear jus like tat... its like u come, u be for tat person.. be his or her backbone..help in al u can, promise tis n tat... than u walk away... its like the same like u come to the restaurant, ask for the waiter.. get a conversation with him or her.. saying all kinds of things.. making the waiter trust tat u are gonna order some fancy shit, then u tell the waiter... ok i need to think wat to eat.. there is like a whole lots of stuff.. i cant decide... waiter say ok.. then in a while.. u walk off.. just like tat.. the waiter than was shock.. and say.. fuck tat customer sah.. this n tat.. last walk off never buy anything.. two-faced-pain-in-the-ass...

So... if anyone would like to answer or debate or give ur opinion.. jus go ahead k.. would love to hear from other ppl point of view.. Why do ppl cld jus walk away frm our life.. jus like tat... why?? how cld they??? how???

Well, do not really knows the history behind vesak dae, but hey, its a public holidae...haha.. well.. basically..spent the day at home...doing alot of stuff... well not tat alot but.. but yeah...

In the morning.. not exactly morning wen i woke up.. was like noon la.. da ptg la sei... hahaha.. Wake up, seeing my cousin jus came back from bangkok/thailand. Bought me t shirt.. nice la sei.. haha. And 2 key chains, one is elephant, the other one is a kid looking small doll, wearing a tradisional clothing..their tradisional clothing la.. was cute...

Then followed mum to Cwp.. she want to buy some stuff in cold storage.. Tot she wanted to cook the normal stuff...followed her ard.. then come back.. she cook chicken rice.l the sambal was like power la... Go MummY!!... haha.. By then, i think she metion to me like 3 times already tat she wanted to see the movie congkak...

Aft she cook and all.. she quickly sit at the living room's sofa.. wanna know why... haha coz there was a scary story.. hahaha.. she was like concentrating and watching it la.. while i clean up the last bits aft she cooked.. haha no big deal anywae..

Then... aft we sit and watch several stories, se told me to get up and help her clean up the storeroom!!! damn.. seriously.. there was like a tonns of stuff la inside...so we took quite a while to clean i up.. aft clean up, and throwing the rubbish and all... i wen to mum's room since she was like lying down.. i lie down beside her.. and fallen asleep... hehe.. tired la sei...By this time.. its like alot of times already tat she mention to me tat she want to see the movie..

I sleep abt.. not more than an hour.. i think.. then my cousin ask me to follow her go take the pics she sent for printing at one of the Cwp photo shop... then mum ask to do some checking stuff.. then ask me to get money n buy tickets to watch the movie..

Then.. its the 9.55pm show.. cousin have to head home.. so its jus my 2nd sis, lil bro, mum dad n me... the sotry was like keep making us shoock... if got heart attack can die... haha... was and enjoying dae aftall... haha..at least somehing...

At times when i pause and jus keep to my own mind, in a way jus sit and kept quite and jus reflect what ever i felt like in my own mind and heart....At times it ends with me feeling lost and confused, or sometimes jus blur, while at other times i jus felt sad and lonely.. Maybe its just typical..Or maybe its not.. Maybe i am disturbed, maybe i am not..Maybe i am jus disturbed by the past..Or even the present..

At times, as i look ard me.. seeing the ppl ard me, alot went thru the mind. Sometimes wen i see ppl ard me so happily laughing, i wonder wat makes them so happy. Somtimes it makes me wonder how ppl could be so happy at times, without realising someone close to them is suffering in some other ways. Then wen i see a mum and her childrens, i like to see the reactions between the kid and them. See how they response to watever their mum told or talked to them abt. Alot then came across the mind. Like wen i see mum saying or telling something to the kid, and the kid react like he doesn't care or in a bad way..i wonder why we kids do that sometimes.. Thinking back, i woder how many times i hated my mum naggings...but then as my life past by..realising how much she have scacrifice for us, how much she she forgiven us or not..how much she say alot of stuff tat is good for us but we hate it when she told us that wat we do is wrong.. Then after everything.. i realise, no matter how much she may hate wat i do.. or no matter if she would throw me out for wat ever reason ( touch wood, I never done anything wrong..) no matter how much she may hate me.. I on the other hand would always treasure her.. for all tat she done.. for all...

At times, when i see ppl...i feel irritated by the way they treat others or even me.. Like the times wen u are like being ignored, or being treated as if u are never there wen u are actually part of the team. Like in sch, its suposed to be a grp werk, then they like say its ok.. jus read the on the stuff i do the ppt... i know its easier.. but i feel tat i not doing anything.. it piss me off.. The fact that i feel tat i am like not doing anything and all piss me off.. Coz i feel tat i am not contributed and on top of tat it really make me feel lost.. i know u guys are fast learners and all that.. but i am not.. sorrie i am like this.. but seriously ppl..let me know wat u ppl doing...Then at times wen i see ppl treating their so called love ones like.. like their dog, must follow every single thing they say, i feel sad for the person, pity the person for always having to do watever they are told.. While at times i saw who shout at their gf in the middle of the world, i feel really angry, even if u are angry and even if ther gal do something wrong, can't u guys settle it in private... are u guys so damn shameless??!! for goodness sake every1 would be staring guys.. i know its ur own fucking buiseness la.. but common la.. no shame? And pls.. mind the ppl ard la.. it disturb the peace of others k.. especially those malay couples.. act like they are so big shot like tat... if u not shame.. we malays feel every shameful tat such ppl exsist in our community.. we are usually related to good cultured community..

Of course.. there is alot of stuff that i saw.. for now.. i think i could only saw this much...Till next time...

-= DeviLAid =-

Well, its been a while since i last updated my blog... Well, at times i felt that there nothing to tell u ppl. Well, maybe there is stuff that happen, but its not such a big deal.. so i felt tat its useless to post it..

Anywaes.. MOTHER's dae ard the coner.. damn... out of money.. sch makes me spend alot i guess.. haiz... so the sad. Even if i have the money.. do not know wat to buy for her... haha.. so the pathetic rite.. haiz... so the sad.. The other day, i went to Ayer Hitam, its in Jb...some sort like a nearly 2 hrs f bus ride.. if u take the express bus.. if not.. it will be like a 3 hrs plus kinda ride.. haha.. Went wit mum, dearest cousin ( like my sis, like my mum also to me..) and her daughters.. haha 2 small kid.. she live in jb, so ask her to bring us... i am actually happy going there with them.. even though it abit sad that nowadays no one follows her ard anymore.. only me wenever i cld.. Was happy i got to spend the whole day wit her.. even if she was concentrating on my sis coming wedding preparations.. got myself an spongebob pillow.. haha cute.. we walk n walk n walk... keep buying drinks coz it was hot.. and thirsty.. mum keep feeling thirsty.. then.. after that.. wen we nearly going home.. we then go and eat.. at this lke coffee shop... the fried rice.. was damn spicy.. nice.. seriously.. different from sg one la.. then with yong tau foo...haha power la..its like kampong taste ( the fried rice i mean) haha... Its nice to taste something diffent from the typical tase of sg... but overall, i had fun.. really.. jus following her ard.. This was my labour day, spending day out in jb wit mum.. Sooriiiiee tat it was like a week or two ago la.. haha...

Then wat else happen... hmmm...then... a friend of mine.. who i known not for like such a long time.. but we gotten close... hehe.. its a wonder how we cld get close with someone on such short notice.. haha.. but a sweet person.. sometimes would call me later at nite to talk to me till i feel sleepy.. Normal case la.. Cant sleep.. haiz... still the same prob.. haiyo.. anywae... The friend.. have to go oversea!!!! so the sad...and the fact that i missed the person msn msg jus b4 went off.. i was offline told the person to call b4 wenting off.. but msn.. haiz.. but its ok... the day before we talk on the fone.. was singing to me songs after song.. haha so the sweet.. but lets pray he goes and come home safetly k...after 4 months then will be back.. haiz.. its okie...

THen.. wat else happen.. hmm.. as per normal.. we get irritated by some ppl at sch and such.. haha ros shld know who.. haha anywaes.. life as per normal goes on.. wit all the problems and such in my head.. well.. still having my morning pains and all.. my back still hurts.. haiz... wonder wat will happen next....

Each person is made in a different way rite.. And each person have their own of everything, the way they do stuff, dressing, wat they like and the way they think, the way they think about the good, and the bad.. each person is very different.. but most have a common one like.. we shldn't do this n tat.. but some ppl, i jus dun get it.. Why some ppl do stuff that is at times.. u know u shldn't... At times i think some of these ppl are sickenin..

Why i say these?? For example.. things that even some bad boys or gals do not play around with.. DEATH... but u know wat..Some ppl are jus sickening.. like i said.. sickenin.. There was this story.. a gal, was said to lost her bf who died in brunei.... told by the family.. then a week after crying and crying and the fact that she cant give her last respect to the body.. she was damn sad.... she received a call.. u.. u... the voice call.. as she jus woke up.. she said yes.. so then the voice said.. u remembered who i am or not?? To her shock, it was him.. his dead b4.. Well so called to be dead.. then after dead he said some stupid reason like.. they mistaken someone who look like him to be dead.. the thing is.. mistaken identity happens seldom in hospital.. it cld happen if both do not have an identity card with them.. and something like tat.. then the bf said again.. cld u help me.. i wanna go back to sg.. but i dun have enuf money for the flight.. i have werked abit to collet some. but the flight is later.. and i still lack or $50.. the she said.. go find help.. then he said.. u tranfers some money to me la.. u know my acct no rite.. then she think back.. he is in brunei.. how to acess POSB back acct there?? no such thing.. Then she think again.. he said all his stuff the family took back.. then why he have his POSB accnt card?? No logic!! But part of her wanted to help..  but too bad she dun have money.. thank god.. I think god pity her for always helping him.. Then she said she dun have money.. then he was like.. help la help la.. borrow from anyone.. or sell ur hp...she said.. no i cqaqnt ddo that.. i'm sorrie.. Then after that.. she was bz wit other stuff. so then he never call again. as he said the no wasn't his.. some brunei aunty.. but the number is sg number.. no logic again!! Then after that she was like crusing.. what the fuck was he trying to do!!!

Yeah like i said.. sickening ppl..1st he made her go thru all his  problem.. she help him all the time.. at the last straw.. u played with death!!! U mother fucking chain saw son of a bastered guy!!!!!!! sorrie for the vulgar..This is wat i said that some ppl.. i jus cant seem to understand what they are doing.. This is am example of some weird nonsense that some ppl do..And  the fact that at times they do this stuff to ppl that actually did care abt them.. stupid ppl..then end up.. u totally lose their trust.. ont only tat i lost the person too.. haha.. suit the person rite.. sooner or later then would feel their lost of the person that were there for that stupid nonsense person.. Seriously.. i do notunderstand these ppl.. wonder why they do stpid stuff. Its not liike u gain anything good from doing all these nonsense stuff... all u could get back is hated by the other person.. and the lost of someone..But seriously.. who would understand these ppl..... would u??

AaaaarrrrrggggggHHH... So the tired... Have to wake up early everyday. Sometimes it feels so tired... ANd feeling the aches on my back the minute i open up my eyes.. Ouch.. i am in class and i still can feel my back aches.. And the worse is the pain i feel waist area.. Unbearable... Sit for sometime and i feel the pain.. Stand for too long i feel the pain too.. Damn... And the worse for today is that i having headache.. Getting migraine again. PLs not now.. Not so soon... i Wanna Get another A grade for Ai Tee's lesson... haha.. she is a great faci.. Even ask me just now how is my dad.. as i told her i been so tired and all..Like tellin her what i been thru in my life in my rj.. haha.. didnt mean to.. but she make me tell in a way..Well maybe its jus me.. Sometimes u jus need to let out to someone.. Ahhh... its like complains.. u need to complain to someone sooner or later. If u got bf/gf.. they will be the one u complain to every now and then.. if u close to ur friends, then u complain to them sometimes..While at times it not complains.. its ur feelings and depression u feel that u wanna let out.. They are just like complains...But its okie to let them out u know.. it reliefs the so call burdenor stressness u feel. Even though at most of the times, no one could help. but having someone that listens to all ur naggings, ur feelings, ur stress, could make u feel better.. At times it makes u feel that there are still someone who cares even at the darkest moments of ur life.. though... At times..Like me.. When at times.. there isn't anyon there.. and the only thing u got is urself and like wat.. teddy bear?? U just have to be strong.. Its hard but u have to be strong.. No matter wat, in this life, there are points of times in which u have to face everything by urself. having to do everything by urself isn't that bad. Sad, anger, stress, tiredness will all come all at once.. but u jus have too.. i guess everyone goes thru it some time. Look it in another way, its just a stteping stone to make u a stronger person. To make u prepare for watever cld happen to u in near future. U cldn't always depend on ppl to be there for u 24hrs a dae..other ppl have their stuff too.. while some.. wld jus leave u sooner or later.. its fate..

Ade org kate... kalau sakit tu, tande nye yg tibe masenye u rest.. Kalau kite sakit tande nye da mase nye kite rest.. then kalau org tu mati?? tande nye ape lak?? Kalau org mati, tande nye, mase dier da sampai...

Lepas tu ade org kate... bile org da mati kite akan dgr... " sudah lah, da mase dier pergi.. Tuhan sygkan die lebih..." Kadang2 terfikir jugak.. ape, jahat nah ke aku... kalau tuhan tak amik nyawe aku dulu, die tak syg aku sgt la?? ape je... kan DIE tu adil.. Tak kan dier mcm kite2 ni.. org tu kate syg.. org tu kite syg cikit.. org lagi satu tu tk syg.. ape aje la.. Tapi.. da bagus tu org2 ni cube make u cheer up.. da bagus la tu...

Then ade org kate pulak.. " anak dier mesti jahat nanti besar.. ko tgk je la bapak dier nye peragai.." Ni part bedek... Example.. bapak aku.. ade a kisah2 nye.. tapi mak aku jagu takde ape2 pun.. satu2 masok jugak sch, dapat jugak grad.. akak aku da khawin pun sak.. takde pun masal anak uat peragai.. Kalau ade makcik2 cakap kat korang gini.. ko pergi kat dier kate.. " makcik.. nanti makcik nye anak pun same... tgk je la mak die ni.. mulut banyak busuk.. cuci dgn clorok pun tak hilang sak baunye cik..." Ni kalau die tak paham...aku tak tahu la kan...

Macam2 la org2 ni kate kan.. ade yg sakit hati, ade yg memang tak masuk akal, ade pulak tu cume cube try2 pujuk la conon.. haha.. Untuk sekarang, ni aje aku ade untuk session " Ade org kate " untuk sekarang.. Nanti aku free, aku sambung... ni pasal tgh nk let go stress nye session.. kalau megarut.. buat bodoh sudah la k... bye ppl!!

On Sat, i gotten a news.. One that makes me cry.. One that i never expected it to be.. Damn.. I feel so lost.. Wen i gotten the news, i wanted to cry.. but damn i can't.. COz mum and all would ask why.. and i knw i wont be able to explain. LAte that nite.. i cry.. while i wanna go and sleep.. i cry and cry.. Damn.. WHy does all this have to happen to me.. WHy... WHat have i done wrong to deserve all this.. I wish i knw.. The only thing i cld do is pray.. Pray to god to give me the strength to go thru all this... Pray to HIM that he give me patience to go thru all this.. Pray to HIM.. That's all i cld do..

Damn.. its getting more and more complicated huh... Well u guys knos wat.. i am like getting headache every now and then.. Well i guess it coz i think too much and the fact that i been stressing out in class.. AARRHHH.. i have Science everyday!! hahaa.. serve me rite for choosing abt medication.. no says its gonna be easy... ALmost everyone says u can't do it.. That u are not capable enough.. WEll, i'll show u ppl... WHo cares anywae.. not doing this for u ppl... Doing it for mum and myself..and of coz for my lil bro.. and all in the family..

Then yesterday i made someone angry.. well, i didnt mean it.. Its just at times when u not in the mood and all, then the person tried to cheer u up but end up u jus gets more stressed up, and in the end u get angry and say something stupid like.. u are the same like everyone.. and make the person angry..and aaaarrgggggg!!!!!! i really didnt mean it u knw..

DAmn.. me and my mouth.. Then i got a late nite call.. someone in the hospital.. damn.. too bad the person is not in singapore.. if not i wld rush there after sch.. AAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!! But he is not.. AAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!! i will prar that the person will be fine.. and he can come back soon..

THere... here got extra ppl typing...Hi, this is Shyda. And I'm bored. Waidah is currently stressed up, as she's having science module everyday! If you were in our place, you will be feeling how we feel too. Ok done!

Kan pelik dunia nie... Dgn senang kite boleh percaye kan seseorg itu... Dan dgn sekelip mate jugak, dgn senangnye seseorg itu boleh memperdayakan kite..

Kenape aganknye.. org2 ni suke tipu.. or in another words.. pijak kepale kite bile kite da baik dgn org tu... ye la.. org lame selalu kate.. buat baik berpade - pade, buat jahat jgn sekali... So, ni ke balasan kite bile kite tak uat jahat ?? pelik kan..

Kenape agaknye org2 ni dapat bile they pijak kepale kite tu?? kepuasan?? atau.. saje je nk tgk org mcm kite derite?? Sialan la kadang2 org2 nie kan...

Yang lain sial ye la bile org2, yg kite anggap kawan, buat sial belakang kite.. In aother words.. is like when a person u trusted, stab u in the back.. years of friendship cld jus gone...Pelik2 org2 nie kan.. They uat hati kite nie.. mcm mainan.. tak suke je.. atau boring je.. main la... try tgk org tu sabar ke die perang...

Ape yg they dapat bile they uat gini??? ape??? 

Today... when i woke up.. i was lazy.. mum n dad had sent my lil bro to religious class then they went jb for a while.. then 2nd sis when to attend a wedding..1st sis n bro in law went out.. let me.. i had to go werk at 4pm.. so i was left alone.. did not feel like getting up so i ended up reading a book..till i realise tat i shld be going to werk..i was actually getting late.. tell the truth.. i am sick n tired of the job, and the fact that the pay suckz and to think my fares are really expensive.. damn it.. so i went out rushing... then mum called.. ask me if i got money... i was at the bus stop.. asked me to go back up n so i did.. still rushing.. then she waited at the lift at the 10th floor.. wit $5..am so thankful for tat.. the rush back to the bus stop.. waited for the bus again.. so then when i was in my 2nd bus..i was reading and listenin to music.. by this time my head is really getting painful.. i had it frm mornin but the pain was nt this painful.. then i stop reading.. and tried to get some Zzzz.. sleep.. then when i open my eyes.. i saw this lady giving bananas to 2 monkeys..haha the area was jus forest.. so i guess there will be wild monkeys ard.. cute... haha...Then when at werk.. gotten down frm the bus.. i felt like puking.. but cant since i havent really eaten.. so then i change to my werk uniform, bought mineral water and snikers..chocolate.. haha.. then.. normal la at werk.. then suddely this cute guy came in.. he is malay but fairer than me.. damn he is so cute.. came to the counter with some shaver.. asking me is there is still those disposable ones.. Since i was so distracted by the way he talk (so the nice..) and how cute he is... i accidentally said no.. oppsss, i am so sorrie... but damn he is cute...hahaha...Anywae.. i still got the headache till now.. and i am already home.. damn it rite... i guess i been thinking too much.. that is why, i cant keep doing this... my migraine have already been getting worse.. and the fact i dun have anymore of my medicine... do u know migraine can be fatal.. damn... hope i dun die soon.. well its in HIS hands.. jus hope its not soon coz i still have a duty to my mum and lil bro.. until he is old enuf, and got stable job.. i wont walk away frm my duty... and especially not when i get my mum to stop werking.. and let her live in peace, i wont walk away frm my duty... life is hard... but we still have to face it...

Well, 5th march, I turned a year older now.. today... Tell u the truth.. it makes no difference to me.. I just turned a year older.. Nothing else change.. But I am thankful that I am able to stand among others, and the ppl I love, and to be able to see them happy leading their life they way the think best... Well... it feels a bit lonely... But I guess it just the same as any other day.. that's why it feels a bit lonely. Well I am used to it.. so I be okie...

Didn't get sleep aft I came back from work the day b4.. Came back a bit late and got lock outside.. HaHa... But I already told mum I coming home a bit late. A bit became more than a lil a bit as saw my old friend at sembawang.. Asked me to follow go eat, since its been a while since we talk and hang out, and to think it was my Bdae..And since I told mum I be coming home a bit late.. I went along.. Eat at sembawang.. so then, we hail a cab..to sent me home first.. so sweet..

Then 5th march..Well, morning, since I can't sleep..I got up from bed.. to the living room.. talk and talk and then... then followed mum go pay bills..buy food for the sisters. Then got home, 1st sis gave me a watch..Thnx.. Then I cook.. like normal la kan.. Then.. aft everything.. mum wen and sleep. and I rested at my room.. Then it gets all bored till I fall asleep...finally..HaHa.. I was waiting to get sleep.. woke up and found a box in my cupboard.. I got this white skirt wit black roses on it.. HaHa from 2nd sis la ni.. Thnx...

Tho I feel bit lonely today, Thnx for the ppl that had wish me happy Bdae thru sms or net or msn.. Thnx u guys...But.. Thnx.. seriously to all.. AHHhhh da tue!! hahakkzzz.. But thanks to all okie.. even if its for just remembering.. thnx alot...love u ppl k..muack muackss..

Waidah

Well, Have U actually ever wonder.. Why these ppl comes and goes as they please.. Weird isn't it.. They come, get to know U, promise to be Ur friend and all that..make u trust them and all.. But then Stab u in the back or just.. leave u.. Disappear just like that.. Weird isn't it.. Ppl... Lies..

At times I wonder why they even bother to be Ur friends when they actually would leave u.. or disappear just like that sooner or later.. And to top it all off.. they actually promise u.. No wonder they say," Promises are meant to be broken." Haizzz...

Then.. It would lead u to this.. Have u ever wonder why.. Why u even believe these ppl?? Have u ever wonder why no matter how many countless number of times ur friends played u out, or promise some things or even the countless number of times u made a friend and they leave u with unkept promises.. u still make new friends and believe them. even when in the end... u know they aren't really gonna kept being there or keep their promise..Well, I wonder why..

Well, I guess its ok to wonder why at times.. Well, I guess we just want someone to be there for us..Especially when we really in need of someone to turn to.. But its just weird how someone could just be there then the next min, they disappear from ur life, acting like hey never ever existed in ur life before.. Don't they feel the guilt? Well, i guess I will keep wonder why.. Till maybe one day, someone give an answer to it.. But I guess, everyone would answer differently to these question..

But if anyone of u, who reading this, might wanna let out some suggestion or opinion to these question or tots of mine.. pls fell free to do so aite.. I would love to read some views of others...