<~~~ Devilaid's Inner Side ~~~>

Auction... If anyone interested in buying these paintings contact me @ waidah@hotmail.sg.....selling them off

** dedicating these to those who thinks i ain’t happy**

To the Goth bestie,

Happy when i am with u..

Happy just being able to spend tat lil bit of time with u…

Happy is when i see u happy with ur loved ones…

Happy is when we laugh abt silly stuff…

Happy is when we talk and let things out once in a blue moon….

And no matter how many times u are bz when i need u…

U always there for me in the end….

That’s all it matters and u do make me happy ….

To the Family i always love…

Happy is when i see mom and sis and lil bro laugh and smile…

Happy is when we have those chillout in mum’s room…

Happy is when i got to sit and a table seeing everyone at one go…

Happy is when we ain’t fighting….

Happy is when i see mom sleep at peace at night…

Sorry if i hurt u guys or mommy sometimes…

Happy is when i don’t feel useless to the family…

When i know i am helping the family…

U all cld get on my nerves sometimes….haha…

I ain’t a perfect daughter or a perfect sis…..

But i am happy when my family is….

To the other Besties Roses, Mud…and Friends…

Happy is when we meet up and chill…

When we have short outings…

Happy is when we go out and bitch a lil bit here and there…

Happy is when i know i cld help u in any way i cld…

Happy is when we laugh out loud at all the siily things we tot abt…

Happy is when i see u contented and happy with lil details in life…

Happy is when we just sit, chat and catch up….

My Happiness is all these,

And when i see u ppl happy…

To Me, Myself and i….

I am happy…

With all the tiny details in life…

When i cld help those i cared in any way possible…

Painting and looking at the paints i donned…

Happy is when i listening to music and minding my own business…

Happy when i get to Watch anime and mysoju…

Knowing i am trying to stand on myself makes me happy..

Seeing everyone else happy…

Thats… me….

Finally to MR TEDDY,

Happy is when i see u have that cute smile on ur face…

Happy is when u make me laugh with ur silliness and nonsense…

Happy is when we vid calls, chat with wat ever time we had left…

Happy is when u comment nice stuff…

Happy is when u force me to sleep, eat medication….

Knowing u cared makes me happy….

Happy is when we are both trying to get to know each other…

When u open up and teach me to open up and speak my mind…

Happy is when u told me abt ur great day…

My happiness is when i know u are happy….

This is me…

I am happy in these ways ….

Appreciative  enough for all the lil things in life…

Makes me happy…

Makes me, me….

Why is it sometimes we cld doubt the things that we actually had a lil bit of assurance or confident in at start....

It makes u think if its just u.. or does it come naturally to anyone n eveeyone???

Does it mean u feel insecure n unsure of urself or the other person?? And then they would say, that being like that, u eventually end up hurting urself or the person too...

But then again.... If u never ever feel insecure or such, is it healthy?? Woulnt that seems like u are over confident...and if u are over condident and ok with everything and wat not... And things happen behind u... Its more hurtful when u finally find out rite....

I gues theres always two side of a story.... I guess its life.... Either get hurt or dont... Or just survive thry it....

Do u know what its feels like?

To look around and not care about a thing?

To force a smile even if u don’t really feel like it?

To daze out into no where…

To just space out from time to time…

To eat alone,

Sit and stare to blank space alone,

To not feel a thing when another shit happens

To not care what goes around

To stop saying and talking much

To just live on day to day like a routine…

To just go one with the flow…

And to just take in everything happens like its nothing…

Yes nothing at all…

Well,

Do u know what it feels like?

It feels…

Empty…

Very Empty…

I,

I have feelings,

I get hurt…

I too can cry and scream of pain…

But yet u treat me like i nothing...

Like i don’t have feeling…

Like i cant feel pain or sadness…

Like i am a empty doll…

Rag doll that have been used,

dirty and torn it becomes,

Thrown like its never needed…

Search for it when u really need…

Am i a rag doll to u?

am i that worthless to u?

Am i just a torn and tattered doll that u only search for when needed?

Or am i worth more that just that?

Tell me what u see?

A torn and tattered doll,

Or an imperfect lady that is perfect in ur eyes…

Or just nothing….

Am i?

Am i just plain nothing to u??

What am i?

What i am to u????

Tears…

It fell out so ever easily.

Like unexpected drizzle or rain…

When u are happy,

It fell out from your eyes..

When u are sad,

It flows down ur cheek endlessly…

When u are worried,

It drips out a lil…

When u are Lonely,

It stays in ur eyes till u blink it out…

Its like a Tap,

The difference???

A tap is controlled by u, by ur hands…

While Tears,…

Is controlled by emotions that runs deep inside ur heart…

An heartahe that seems to never heal.

Its aches goes deeper than one could foresee…

Within that lines of pain,

Lies a story.

A long winded story,

That could shorten to a pharse of 3 words…

“She love him…”

As every 365 days pass by,

One year passes by…

Growing older by age and looks…

While maturity and thinking may or may not ever grow…

As year after year pass by,

Many things happen…

Incidents that we may like…

While other are acidents that we hate for the rest of our lives…

Things we regret are kept locked in te coner,

While sweet memories are recalled from time to time…

Is it worth it to recall such matter??

Worth it or not.. we still do recall…

As these years pass by…

We have did many things…

Good or Evil…

If we regret, all we could say now is sorry…

Yet saying sorry seems easy,

But its not.

Sometimes, U don’t even think u did anything wrong…

People don’t understand u.

So all u could do is say sorry for all that mistakes…

A year have pass by…

I’m older by a year..

Sorrie to all that i have made mistakes to..

Sorrie to all that i have hurt..

Sorrie to all… for wat ever reason..

A year have pass…

It have pass… and gone..

Hence now… life goes on…

Its weird how something seem so strong could end instantly...

Its interesting how one could get over a love that was lost quickly...

Thou, its also heartbreaking to be weeping in silence.

Its cruel. Its unfair. Its painful. Its everything one do not want to feel...

But yet, one still have to pick herself up, no matter how much pain she have to bear with...

As the chest heavies with endless pain, one would struggles in the depth of the shadows alone...

Smile, Laugh, be Cheerful. Fake it all. Make it look like this pain is nothing.

Cause like it or not, it over and done with.

The only truth remains is that life...still goes on.

Everything is bear by u and u alone..

That`s the fucked up fact of life.... Everything lies on u ad u alone...

Looking at the dark night sky,

Ur image appears in my vision…

It makes me wonder,

Do i still have feelings for u?

Or is its just memories that flows endlessly…

I shut my eyes really hard.

Hoping it would all disappears…

But,

To my despair…

The tots of u still lingers…

Ur sweet smile,

Ur deep voice,

Ur warm hug,

And those endless times that u keep my head up…

Damn, i still want u.

I shakes my head…

Wanting to go back to reality.

These are just….

Memories beneath a dark sky….

Now…

The fact remains,

U are gone.

And i am… yet alone…

In the mist of darkness,

Only a candle of light remains…

A suffering.

Living in depths of loneliness,

And darkness..

Every second goes by,

Not a word is heard…

Engulfed by the darkness,

One by one,

The senses lose their ability…

Touching nothing,

Hearing nothing but silence,

Tasting and smelling nothing but bitterness,

Seeing nothing but the darkness…

The imagination that was a companion,

Slowly fades away…

As the darkness creeps in…

Taking over what left…

Wonder what’s left.

Trapped…

Tell me,

Where is the opening for my escape???

Just like every other things in the world that have rules and regulations, at home, we do have rules and regulations. Mainly the one who sets up the rules and regulations are our elders, our parent. Yes, i am regulated by my elders, my parents (mainly my mother only…my father never cared about us since young..) and having two elder sisters, are even worse. hahaha!

Well, lets see if i could tell you how am i regulated. My mother is those who is very strict. Some ground rules would be, no staying over at people’s house, no going home late, no voice louder than her or my sisters (its rude…) and alot of other stuff. She may not lay all the ground rules, well she never does lays any ground rules, but since i live her all my life, and my sisters too, we all knows what she likes and do not like. Never slam things, never that and never this…

Then my sisters, elder than me too kinda have a say in regulating me. At least my second sister does since my first sister is the type where she is very soft and never scolds and all. So second sister would be the one who sometimes ask me where i am if i am a little late before mother ask. The she would complain to mother if she thinks i did something wrong. She also a little protective. she would sometimes scolds me, or like scolded my friend if she do not like something. There was once, she actually went to where i was, since she knows where i am that day, then goes to my friend who have been making me stress up, using my hp and all and scolded her. Hahaha… it was scary, but now when i think about it, its funny. But it was only because she is very protective of her family. She is very bold for a lady, and always stands for what she thinks right, and usually she just say what she feel. Sometimes i think she talk too much and she need t careful of what she say but she someone who is like that. So it can’t be helped, and she is someone who never forgive you if u mess with her family. Its scary. I think she took my mother’s fierce side…Hahah…

While my other sister, she took my mother’s soft side. Never scold, never get angry easily…very patient…could never be like her. But she does talk to you if something happen and all. Or like she don’t really like something. She would give warning.

That is overall how i am regulated at home. But mother is really feirce. Scary at times. Being the third daughter was stresfull, still am now. Cause the freedom is lesser compared to my friends and all. But i gotten used to it. So its fine. Love them all, dispite the stressfulness.

For once in my life i crave for a vacation. Even a short one would do. All i need is to be away from all this hectic and rushes of life. Its like we are moving all so fast that after sometime, we lost our roots. We lost the the answers to questions like, why am i doing this? what is it for? who is it for? What we want for life? and once we lost these roots, these answers to these questions…Then we would stop and wonder… what now? What am i doing again? and it would all end up to this phrase…

“i don’t know…”

Well, frankly, i won’t know if others feel like this or experience these kinds of situation before but i do. Right now, i am at the phrase of my life which i think i need to figure out what i need to do. For other people older than me or some friends, they would say things like, its easy, just go find a job la… or why don’t u just continue school la…These people should understand the fact that things are never easy like they say it is. its never that easy. It’s more complicating than that.

So, few days ago, or more like a while back, i sit down and think. Yes i am going to get a job and see how things goes…

But then…

but then…

But after that…

Then wat???…..

A question that remains unknown….

Life??

What is it about life??

What does it want us to do??

Why do we have to live this life?

Can we just leave it all behind without a say???

Life…

Sometime it sucks,

Somtimes it great,

It is unpredictable…

Life…

Sometimes its interesting,

Sometimes its boring,

Its twisted…

Life…

Can be sweet,

joyful,

Its wonderful…

Life…

Can be cruel,

painful and unfair,

Its screwed…

Life…

Weather we like it or not,

We still have to go on…

Coz that’s life…

Jus moved to sembawang, living with my sis and her husband. Well, things are ok i think. A lil of this and that…A lil problem here n there, but its fine. Its normal i guess. No one lives with no problem anywaes. Even the rich have problems..correct me if i am wrong aites…

I’m missing my bestie, psycho. Never seen her for sometime now. Both been bz. She been bz wih her work and such. So its predictable that we won’t see each other for the time being.

Miss my 2nd sis noise and such. She always been the noisy one. But she lives with her husband and in laws now. So we see her like once a week when she has her off day from work.

Today, my sis, me, and lil bro have stomach problem. Keep going to the toilet. Haha.. must be something we ate or something. maybe its the sardine… ahh i dun knw..

Then some ppl tat i close to me are having problems…so yeah i hope everything goes ok… haiz…

i’m tired, sleepless nite these days, headaches every now n then…and such and such and such….

devilaid…

He was ours, he was part of the family. From not that chubby, to a very chubby rabbit… He is always very notty. Mischeivous lil one. We loved him alot alot. Everyone loved him very much, and gotten used to the fact that he is in the family. Every now n then we think of him, his food and such.

But then he have to leave us. He leave us…He was acting a lil strange when we leave him at someone’s place for more than a day for us to shift house. Then coming back from that, he acted more strange. Then wen 2nd sis come home, bathe him and all… He passed away in her arms… I was out, tears flow as i heard the news… Sadness flowa thru…

Now all is left is memories of the sweetness of him around. His lovable ways, his mischeif, being himself… We all love u joe… All we hope is that u are much happier there… love u….

A picture tribute to Joe has been done up by my sis… do take a look of his pics….

http://degilzgal.multiply.com/photos/album/129

Love..

Devilaid…

Shortage or words… = Super out of the blue excess of nonsensical pics….

Devilaid has gone Crazy….

HE have teach me something today...That to just accept and go on. Thanks to mum also. I am sick for few days. My thurs and fri is being spent with bed n medication. Then a call came in saying the results are out. Since i am sick, i think i going to check it later at nite. SO...
Nite came, i became super afraid. Cause i don't know how to face mum if i got a bad result for my 1st final yr project. I checked, i was shocked, i tot i was ok, then i was angry at myself, then i broke down crying. 1st time in my rp life that i broke down crying just becoz of my grade.
All that effort, all that hard work, all that coming home late from sch, all that much i put in. I gotten a C+.... As compared to s, it make me feel much worse. Where the FUCKING HELL i went wrong?? i didnt even reach a B.... Damn it make me feel alot worse.
Since mum wen work already, i decided to call her. She knows my result were out. So called her, and told her i gotten C+ aje. She was like shock, i know she is. Then i broke down crying again. She say da la, jgn nangis, then i told her how i feel... she try so much to comfort me. Then put down the fone...
Remy tried to calm me down, thanks. Then i sit staring at the laptop.. crying silently. Damn, maybe it coz i am sick so i cry alot. Then mum called my hp, asking me if i am ok. i wanted to cry when she ask, but i stop it and jus hold it on. She said, da la its ok. Just go on finish this yr, then go get a job. HE realise ur effort. But if it turn out to be a C+ then jus accept it. Be greatful of what HE have given u ok. da la.. stop crying and get some rest ok....
So, even though i am super sadden, further more sick, i am accepting it all. N thanks to HIM i at least past, And thanks to HIM i got a mum like my mummy... so, i will be ok, i hope. thou i know i am prone to cry anytime soon.. but i am ok...

sadden, devilaid

Its more than a month after my sis wedding…Well, alot have been happening along the way. Lets jus see if i could list it out…

What happen? :

- G301 FYP presentation

- After presentation Swensen ice cream dinner date with the crew

- UT 2…

- Packing of house stuff to move…

- Help mum n sis to settle house matters…

- Ignite 09 cum SL booth

- SL presentation @ south agora of the sch….

- Gotten attch to someone…

- Arguements in between…

- Over a month with the person…Still ok… (amazing huh..)

- Figuring my future plans…

Well, basically that is it. Now i list it out… i have to admit that i may forget some stuff in the middle thou. But it all lay out fine.. and i hope it will jus all go on fine. Now, the crew is going on to figuringin out for G302, second part of our FYP. Then some of them keep talking about university, and future plans. While everytime they talk about it, i feel stress. Haiz… For now, i think i will jus let things flow. Will upload pics to show u guys what have been happening….

- right : me bring joe out to play.

- ignite cum sl booth pictures…

- Me n raimi…- The shirt is from him, nick name for him n me

- mirror with wood border, his n my nick… as a return gift coz of the shirt he gave me.

Well… more pics would be found uploaded by friends in facebook. The rest of pics is in my hp… lazy to upload… later ppl….