<~~~ Devilaid's Inner Side ~~~>

Well, i knoe i haven't been updating my blog lately.. So the damn sorrie.. i knoda keep werking, spent time with the family and such but i dun seem to get time to blog it..

So lets see.. i keep werking.. werking...and i just got tranfer to a new place... Ouh and then there is the time i and my family goes to the birb park.. haha that was fun..Ouh and of course ther was the time was like on last mon.. just tis past mon.. i got to have 3 jab... and they took like a half tube of my blood for blood test.. this is all to prepare for the trip i gonna have on coming feb..the pain.. still feel it.. haha.. ouch.. i'll upload some pics ouhkie..

Taken really in front of it.. hehe...

Singapore man made waterfall in the bird park!!

 

Taken in front of it.. haha.. freaky... scary..  but the eagle have ts onwner by its side..

The whole family tot it was a statue!! haha....

lov penguins!!! haha...

U know wat.. i gotten a sof toy fot that one of a kind penguin.. the brown one.. he was the only one there.. cute rite.. hehe...

That is all the pic i got for now... hehe..see u ppl ard...!!

MONDAE : HARI RAYA HAJI

This week there was an extra holiday. Which is hari raya haji. Suprisingl, there is family's, aunt n uncle coming over. All i wanted was to get alot of rest. was kinda tired since i werk on sat n sun. Woke up a lil late tho. On sunday when i got home from werk, there was smell of the flowers mum bought to put on the dining table. Mon morning, smell died off... but at about the evening, ard 6-7pm when mum wanna visit mum aunt tha live across he street, there was the flower smell at the dining table. Another flower bloom... coz there was 2 un bloom ones within the bunch.

 

Lovely huh... haha... nice smell too. Well, mum just love flowers... she must have it for any celebrations. tat y her kids always give flowers for bdae....haha...

 

WEDNESDAY : NON SCH DAE, NO CLASS

Then on wednesday, as most know, i do not have class. haha... Was sleeping till ard pass noon ard 1++ pm haha... Then woke up, watch tv abit, take breakfast, watch tv. Then mum ask me to cook cause she tired n need rest so i went to cold storage to get some stuff and then saw my old neighbour's dad. haha... he recognize me.. haha.. i was shy... when he ask what i am doing here alone wit the basket haha.. just old him mum tired after werk so i go buy some stuff to eat. haha...

Then i cook!! 

Don't know if u guys can see. But i cook macaroni. fried macaroni. I think i spell it rite. haha... i enjoy cooking tho.. was listen to music and such while cooking, singing to the music too. Lucky mum was sleeping if not, she'll scream. She says a young not married lady should not be singing while cooking. Its not good, not proper.. haha...Then i made a mess a lil at the sink

But i did clean it up after i finish cooking and transfering it tho. haha... i hate to see the kitchen in a mess. Just me i guess. Mum would nag if i leave the kitchen in a mess. that is why i always cleean up after i cook.. haha... BTW... after that watch more tv and chill, read a book... and then i eat haha...

 

Yours,

Devilaid

Today lesson, in class, there is this about redox reaction. So then this question pops out for our so called homework/ reflection journal....Its interesting tho... So just tot i shld share it out...

 

' REDOX ', basically what we learnt applies to oxidation and reduction or the gain and loss of oxygen in a particular reaction. But, apply it to life, what it means to me is that life is about gain and loss. Life is like a game. Its mostly about weather u gain in terms of winning and knowledge, or u loss in terms of losing and giving up and failed to learnt a thing. Yet, it is about gain and loss and the stuff that we learnt in between.

 

In life, its never easy and all. We have to lose, fail and all to learnt. In order to gain something we must work for it. Like went we fail our exam, we had to redo, we gain knowledge after that. Then wen we lost someone from our life, we then gain the guts to become stronger. Wen we lose our friends, we gain experience and it makes us stronger wen we know what happen  and all.

 

It may not happen both at a time. It may not be easy to dealt with and all most of the times. When shit happens, we tend to think we lose alot. But after everything, sit back and think... DO we really lose everything and lose nothing?? I think not. We may not gain anything significant. But we gain experience and those realization of this that makes us a better person, and makes us stronger. Life is like that. If there is no gain or lose, no redox, there nothing to life ain't it? Then its not life no more....Jus a boring narration.

 

Do leave a comment about what u guys thinks.. if anyone read this tho... aites...

 

-= DeviLAid =-

So ouhkie... on the 8th of november, i took off from work cause my 2nd sis future husbamd' s sister was celebrating her b'dae at the beach. Hence me n lil bro was invited too. So sis asked me to come... have too la kan... hehe....

Then woke up a lil angry cause i wanted to sleep more... it was sat n no work! damn.. but i have tooo... packed, and packed along wit me is JOE! if u guys are wondering, Joe is my pet rabbit.. ahahaha... "A day OUT wit JOE" sounds like i got a date with a guy.. hahaha....

Went to cuseway point first, bought a bdae present, and stuff.. JOE was already getting lots of attention... hehehe.. hate it.. so the attention seeker.. haha.... Then brought him to the beach....we let him kinda hop around alil bit. HEHE...He was alil scared coz the kids was like shouting.. he gotten all frighten n went back to the carrier.. haha..

My sis carrying JOE... he look like a soft toy.. fluffy and all.. haha... Like a baby too...

JOE on the loose!!! haha... but he always came back to its carrier.. i think cause of the too much attention...

My lil bro carrying JOE.. he is like heavy la... so lil bro cant carry him that long.. haha...

Then i pose wit their maid, nice lady.... Wit JOe chilling near at the bottom, near my leg.. hahah.. hiding from the rest...

pose with this swet lil gal.. everytime she poke joe she laugh.. haha... th guy here is trying to touch joe.. a lil scared that y...

   

See... JOE so the fat!! he is jus a year plus old lei.. haha.. like one bing fat baby lor.. haha

this is the bdae gal family and all..me not in pic coz i was watching over  JOe... anywae i dun know them much.. so i just hang out with joe...

So by the end of the day.. i was my abg sedare.. he was driving la.. haha... jus gotten a car... he was going fishing with his wife n son n daughter.. haha.. so he say he will send us home.. haha...free ride... Tiring day la sei.. joe was tired too i guess... haha... Was fun tho making joe hop ard and all.... hehe...

-= DeviLAid =-

I was blogging when my lappy total shut down suddenly... i forgettn that i took out the batt... damn it sei.. i was like nearly finish la... haha... it was long... dun know wat i wrote...But it was abt my PP presentation... to those who do not know wat it is.. its Professional Profiling presentation... Its my yr2  project...

So yeah.. finally its over.. Well, hell i was nervous... but mum says some stuff to make me feel better... say a lil prayer b4 i go in and all...so yeah.. it helps...

Was shaking when i was puting my poster up... i was early and the assestors was ready.. so yeah i started b4 5.. which was my actual timing... but its ok.. haha....

SO after everything.. i was so glad its over...I gave out a huge relieve when i i finally out of the hall.. haha....It was fine tho... not as bad... Comments given were fine too.. i didnt do tat bad.. it was fine...Just hope i pass.. haha...

hehe..... u guys shld see me shaking while i put the poster up... like i did a huge mistake and going to be kill for it.. haha.... haha... my voice were shking too.. haha.. hell... damn nervous.. never had tat kind b4... haha....Glad it is over....

Well, i know life is very complicated.. things like fights and such in the family are normal.. but at times it just feels like things could just get outta hand anytime...

N i know i shld nt blog abt this kinda thingy since blogs are exposed to like the whole world... but u ppl have to try to see it in my point of view... 1) i don't share these kinda things much...even wit some of my closes friends.. sometimes.. i don even tell them a thing.. ask them if u wanna know... 2) ppl have limits... so wen it u bottle things up, to a certain limit, it cant fit into the bottle no more... force it in? u jus gonna break the bottle... 3) Its the only way i cld just release my tension....

So sunday nite, came back from werk, mum was in the kitchen... angry... seriously....she was cleaning and were in anger... can see she jus came back from somewhere... i think she meet the caterer for my 2nd sis wedding... so maybe she tired and all.. then i got to know the reason... when she came back, the house was in a mess. i usually came back home sat n sun then clean the kitchen, mum usually werking tat point of time.. so i guess she see the mess and gotten angry.. further more  my 1st sis is at the front chillin watching tv... mum was like furious coz she didnt even take out the trash... So this is the prob wit 1st sis, she dun clean much. To put it bluntly, she dun do house work. So, mum gets angry every now n then.

Then 2nd sis getting married ard early june or something like that...last few days mum was angry coz she didnt tall her how many of her friends she inviting.. then sometimes mum fuss abt her dissappearing everytime she on off... where to... to see her guy la.. soon to be husband.. its like she dun spend time with her own family no more... sometimes it feels like she "besarkan family tunangnye"... This i got no comments...

Then last few days ago.. mum gotten angry cozz these sisters of mine, if anything never tell her straight, but always pass the msg to me then ask me to tell mum... she hates tis... she the type who, if there is anything, tell her urself straight... dun pass the msg, ask someone to tell her for u.. she hates it...

Then there is step dad. Who 1) do not work 2) do not do a thing at home 3) only eat n sleep n go coffee shop 4) Claims to be sick but never take care or eat medication.. 5) ask mum for money sometimes.. 6) thinks highly of his other daughters n sons... 7) never care to come visiting my mum side of the family even during eid... 8) there are many more.. but its ok....

Well....AHh... i am tired... lets just stop here for now...

If a girl cries in front of you,

It means that she couldn't take it anymore...

If you take her hand,

she would stay with you for the rest of your life;

if you let her go,

she couldn't go back to being herself anymore...

A girl wont cry easily,

Except in front of the person who she love the most,

she becomes weak..

A girl wont cry easily,

only when sheloves you the most,

she put down her ego.

Guys, if a girl cries bcoz of you please hold her hands firmly,

she's the one who would stay with you for the rest of your life.

Guys,

if a girl cries bcoz of you,

please dont give her up,

maybe bcoz of your decision,

you ruin her life.

When she cry rite in front of you,

when she cry bcoz of you,

Look intoher eyes,

Can u see n feel the pain n hurt she's feeling?

Think....

Which other girl have cried wif pure sincerity,

Infront of you, And bcoz of you?

She cry not because she is weak,

She cry not bcoz she wan sympathy or pity,

She cry,

Because crying silently is no longer possible, the pain, hurt,

nagony have become too big a burden to be kept inside...

Guys,

Think about it...

If a girl cry her heart out 2 you,

And all because of you,

Its time to look back on wat u have done,

Only you will know the answer to it.

You might have indirectly the cause of her changing in person!

Do consider it.

Coz one day....

It may be too late for regrets,

It may be too late to say "im sorry".

To my friends...

Ponder this message seriously.

Dont do this to a girl,

You may regret for the rest of your life.

Maybe in your life,

she's theonly one that love YOU the most.

And you ended up HURTING her the most!

 

I read this at one of the tagged post today.... tot i gave it a tot a lil bit. Basically, as a girl, i guess i cried for someone before... well one or two persons, i guess..Can't blame me...I'm still a gal. Tho some ppl say i look tough.. as in slacker, or those that cares nothing kind of ppl...i'm still a gal which have feelings... i'm still straight k.. haha... Seriously, aft sometime i think back abt it, then i wonder why i even care to like cry for someone. At the point of time we care, we get hurt then we cry but in the end, these kind of guys, doesn't even care. Aft some time i guess its pathetically useless to do so... But then from time to time, we never fail to cry for someone again.... Wonder why...Dun have anyone to cry for anymore.. haha... Random...

Well, raye lagi la kite kan... haiz... This yr raye is simple... tho aku puase sebula tkde lepas... tak la dlm raye mood nah pun... and on top of it all, wed raye, thurs sch, fri da start sakit, sat tak le bgn terus, sun gets worse but still kene go werk, mon kene go doc (damn i hate going to see doc!! ).... i gotten 2 days mc, doc say i need rest, and i cant talk much so she give me two days mc, saying u cant talk anywae so u rest at home. Its coz of my throat la kan... it jus get worse... And coughing like one mad dog makes it all worse la kan... Haiz... thos rp doesn't really use these mc's...i guess i stay home on tues too... i cant talk anywae... my throat really bad la... u guys shld hear my voice now... totally off la... then it dissappear!! hahahakkzz.... damn... pain sak!!!!!

Then this morning waking up with the pain in my head and throat with a running nose (i become like the red nose raindeer... haha )... a big.. as ina size of my palm, butterfly, very pretty tho... flew into my house... so the lawa la!!! haha.... then in landed on the tv... resting there..... and ard there.. till like an hour after that than it flew away... so the shocking... haha... seldom see butterfly near flats anymore... so so the few... haha... not few.. there isn't any.... hahakkzz... (trying to cheer myself up by laughing like this.. reality check : not laughing... but feeling tribble still... my throat hurts damn badly la.... )

I don really knw wat to state next... i think i going to sleep again... the midication makes me sleepy tho... haizz..... k la.. bye ppl!!!

 

**  SELAMAT HARI RAYE.... WAIDAH DI SINI MINTA AMPON & MAAF KALAU ADE SALAH SILAP.... MAKLUM LA WAIDAH INI HANYA INSAN BIASA YG TIDAK LEPAS DARI SALAH & SILAP.... **

I'm in class,

N i am super bored...

Then i decided to blog hop, friendster hop...

Hop, Hop, Hop....

I Saw an Familiar profile...

Damn i hate that mother fucker...

Its matches the start of ur name... F...

F for Fucker....

 

You know wat....

I wish ur new gal cheats on u...

I wish u suffer in the relationship...

I wish u would never be happy...

Ever...

I may be bad....

But its all ur fault....

If Cursing u makes me a bad gal...

Then Let It be...

At least i am not like u....

At least i dun cheat n make ppl suffer like wat u did to me...

It may be over long time ago..

Months n Months over.....

 

But trust me....

I'll curse ur whole life...

For wat u did to me...

Is...

Unforgiven.......

Well, mum been complaining since yesterday well not reall yesterday but today morning... Saying that on the morning of today, mon, got someone call at ard 3++ am!!! Home fon....WAT THE HELL!!!!!!!!!!! She say maybe tat someone is looking for me since whenever she pick up, he caller put down the fon as soon after the caller hear her voice.... WAT THE HELL!!!! WHO IS TAT FUCKER!!!!!!

 

** to all m friends... those who looking for me or such, dun do this.. call my hp or leave a msg via hp, msn, email, friendster or wat ever shit.... If u docall home... just leaave a msg and do talk wen someone pick up k...dun make me get into trouble.... if u do.. screw u...

Well, The day i wen swensen for lil bro bdae.... I got to eat my Fav Ice cream Thingy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BANANA SPLIT.......

Swensens makes good banana split... hehe... i love it alot seh... i really do.. haha.. even if i tried some other type of ice cream there... i still like the banana split.. i got this liking for banana split...

~~* Takes My Heart Away.... *~~

ON the 16th, there is two Bdae, one turned 11, which is my darling lil bro... the other turn....19, which is a nice shortie guy...haha... oppss... hehe....

Anywae, i bought a book for my lil bro.. haha.. i told him he should thank me.. and he did.. then i ask him, where my kiss?? haha.. and he give wet kiss and nearly bite my cheek!!!! Very bad...Now big alreadyso ignor the sis huh..., mum and akak ayu bring me and lil bro makan ice cream at swensen...wooo yum yum...haha... he was like happy giler la.... i guess he just really want to eat ice cream at somewhere so called more grand...Glad that he was happy tho... i still remember when he was so little... kiss him alot hug him toss him... notty boi... but hugable and kissable.. but now.. haha... better dun even get close to him.. hahaha..... Then after that, ard 9+ - ard 10....my 2nd sis future husband bought KFC and cakke... haha... not much of a big celebration.. just wanna make him see that we care n lve him so much.....

 

All he wanted is this ice cream!! its like i can put this together myself, just buy tubs of different flavour.. so odd.. i guess eating there make it a wonderful time spent...

 

Just a simple cake.. but thanks to 2nd sis n her future husband... and Thanks for the KFC.. haha

Well, even after the 16th days of fasting, things are still not even halfway done. Like my family have not odered our cakes and stuff, and if its this late, i don' t think my aunt will accept. Wonder how...Then haven't really clean the house, haven't clean the windows and all.. haha... i'm schooling and all, waking up 3 am all the time and all, really getting too tired to do anything else tho... My neck, shoulders and back is aching...

But good news is that one of the days me n my sis have made some cookies... haha chocolate too... haha.

Cookies fors Raye... Made 3 bottles but ! had finish.. haha... since its chocolate coated cornflakes... every1 loves it... Taste great.. haha...

hehe...Served with colored rice toppings... HeHE.. wai can open chocolate shop!!! hehe....

 

PLain simple chocolate... Cute patterns thoo...

 

Lastly has choco rice at their bottoms...They taste nice too u know... Very chocolaty!!! haha......that why some when missing... haha

 

Chocolate cheers me up tho... haiz...I feel bored in class... These few days i can't werk... i really can't... i just feel.. so so the shit up... haiyo..... wats wrong.. i have no idea... somebody save me...............................................................

 

 

SO yesterdays i mention that i went out for break fast with the crew, or in which the few closest people fto me rom Rp...We grew closer to each other from the time we gotten to know, in which @ the SAS FOP 07... So we have been close since... breakfast, lunch, dinner, go sch, go home... all together.. haha....

Anywae, this is just to add on to yesterday's entry... Chao!!

Well, today, like i said i went to breakfast so called with the gang...The very first few people that i meet in Rp...HAHA... so.. it was, me, Ros, Ahmad, Mar, Najib, Khai, Su, and of course not forgetting Rid, in which i got to know from Sas Fop Camp 08, not from the first batch like the rest, but we have gotten to be godd friends, maybe i am not his best friend but a good firend. Hehe...It was fun.. haha... Khai, being the joker... And well, all of us are like jokers on and off. Catching up on eah other's life, remebering the old memories, forgeting our fights and of course, a beinging of a new memory...It was so fun.. haha...

Then in between i got time to listen to someone's problem, and another's past. Well, thing happen.. all i got to say, let just take our time , slow down, and try to move on and be try to make situation better.. In life at times, thing happen, sometime it doesn't have a clear cut reason why it happen. but then stuff still happen. We try improve ourself wen we know we are a wrong. At time me just try n try to make thing better even when its not our fault. But at times we do fail, and things didn't go the way we wanted, if that happens, all we should do is, stop, take it slow, and let things just flow for a moment....At times, that's wat i think is the best thing to do. So to the friend, or friends who having kinda problems.. hey, take it slow k, dun rush. Things will be just fine k..l Wat ever happens, hey, u know there is people like me n the rest who still care.

Haiz... so the bored. My first sis bought a bag, in which she use only once, and decided she wanna sell it to my 2nd sis coz it doesn't suit her or something.. haha weird.. she buy, then she sell to 2nd sis, 2nd sis buy at a cheaper price from 1st sis and then lent to me.. haha.. weird huh... haha...

Ouh n next week, my lil bro birthday!!! ouh n rasyid too.. same date.. haha... weird...i bought him a gift, its a book, true singapore ghost storie 18, lastest one i think. i know he like to read that. Btw i wanted to read it too. So i tot i bought it for him. Haha.. wanted to read it first but it be rude of me. So i guess, i wrapped it up, and give it to him first then ask if he could lent it to me after he finish reading it. I am sure he dun really mind.. haha..It be like so the weird for me to be buying him a bdae present. Using My own werk money.. haha.. He is my lil bro after all, i do love him. He is like the last one i got. As in, it be just me and him n mum after 1st n 2nd sis marry. I wanna see him success in his life. It will make me proud even if he may hate me for being naggy and fierce wen i am teaching him... its ok.. Coz he is my lil bro.. love him no matter wat.. wanted to make a card for him... hmm.. wat should i write?? haha... weird seh.. haha!!

As i lay down, chill in my bed. I was kinda thinking back. I felt lonely lately.. With my can't sleep...haiz.. it gets too lonely. But its ok tho.. haha.. used to it.. Just the fact that i can't sleep much bothers me.. haiz... tiring.. Gotten to chit chat with Blake just now.. so good. its been a while since we last chatted, he was an friend from U.S... just an online friend.. just tat, we got to let everything out... haha get advice n such.. Easire this way... u dun need to worry abt hurting him or such.. coz he damn far away la..hahaha......haha we tell each other who we like or wat so ever n such... so he been busy and so was i.. time difference and all so  just now then we got to chit chat again. Like chatting up n catching up wit an old friend. haha...so the fun... Now, i guess i try n get some sleep....Nytes Ppl!!!!!!......

 

-= DeviLAid =-

Haven't been bloggin lately...Well, just plain lazy. Anywaes, life isn't that much exciting. Well, at least my life is not. Nothing much...Lets see, holidays was ok, i got to get to do my PP, then i work a lil bit more than usual, then the rest i was plainly at home. I got to cook, help ard, spent more time with the family. If not for doing all that, i probably be sleeping or jus lazying ard at home.. but i guess, its fine. At least i got enough sleep! like these few days.. DAMN! the word sleep is like a stanger... i dun get enough.. at times i cld sleep like wat, an hour the wake up... if not, worse, every 10 mins or so, i wake up!! shitto....

Then, begining of the new term, is the month of Ramadan. Fasting month!! hehe... routine for daily ramadan...

3 am : Wake up n cook

4 am: Wake the rest up to eat...

4.30 - 5 am : Clean the kitchen...

5 am - 6 am : Get some sleep... if i cld!!

6 am : Wake lil bro up for sch... + morning prayer...

6.30 am : lazy ard abit / sleep...

7 am : Prepare for sch...

8.30 am : Class starts!!

4 - 4.30 pm : Class end!!

6 pm : should have reach home. Prepare for break fast...

7 pm : near break fast..

8 pm and above... : should just try n doze off.. though i cant at times.. Then the cycle repeats..

Though, today there will be a slight change. I am gonna break fast with the crew today. The crew should be as follows, me, ros, ahmad, mar, najib, khai, farah, and rid ouh n i almost forget...Su..i think he is coming along too. Dun mind tho...It will be fun to break fast with them. We use to be so close. They are like the first group of ppl i get to know in RP.. In which are my close currently and i guess it will stay tat way.

Arrrggghhh!!! today problem really... really straessful!! damn.. Headache again.. shitto... i'll continue bloggin later...Chao!!

MY Professional Profile report is ACCEPTED!!!!!

YEAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Next stage......
THE PRESENTATION N POSTER....


GO WAWAI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Life is being the same as ever.. a lil bored now and then, and such. Sch pp/project is still not done.. damn i am done for!!! haha... it will turned out fine in the end.. no worries. Worrying makes me have migraine again...

Yesterday, was wed, no sch!!! woke up ard 1pm haha... talk2 with mum... then jus chill, watch cd... then ard 7 had to send my lil bro to tuition ard admiralty area. So decided to meet yanty while waiting for my bro for like 2hr 30min tuition... so yeay!! haha... was great hanging out wit her again... while waitin for her, someone Called!!!!!!!!! hehe... it made me really smile la.... dun know whhy... haha...

It was my 1st ex... u know wat..the first time i was with him tak ampai bape hari... coz we never talk!! haha.... we like strangers wen walkin together... so yeah.. so then kat ard sec 4 aru contact alik... patch then break... patch break.. but we still kawan ah close.. coz he n me.. never really gaduh... hehe pelik seh.. he never call or sms unless i sms him.. Unlike wen were together la kan... hehe.. so it was so the pelik... but hehe it made my day! made me really happy. i think its coz we are friends and he is such a nice guy. but too bad we not together anymore. i dun mind tho. we both got alot of responsibility to our family and wat we want to achieve. That y we separated. we jus wont have time. haha... but its cool tho.. so it was fine... so nice to hear from him.. haha.... hehe.... terbiat....

Anywae... haha just tot i share it since it made happpy.. i guess sometimes even a simple fon call from a friend cld make u smile.. hehe.... Like since lately i been feelin a lil stress out n such rite.. he knoes... so he call to jus say hi and all... so its fine... made my day!!! Even he dun know i blog this... he dun know my blog or msn... haha so ok la kan.. But THANKS An for making my dae!!!!

haha bye ppl!! till next time....

Beneath these cheerful smiles,

Not one realize.

How much pain lies in the smile...

All the masked smiles,

All the forceful torturing smiles and laughter...

Not one, Not one realizes...

 

Beneath these bright clear eyes,

Yet again, Not one realize.

How much tears it sheds...

All the holding back and unseen flow of tears....

All the pain n fears it sees n felt...

Not one, Not one ever realizes...

 

Beneath the dark blue gloomy night sky,

Still with no one realizing it...

I am left alone...

The lonely, lifeless feeling I got...

The feeling that no one know the real me...

Till the moment i lost myself,

Not one, Still no one realizes....

 

Beneath the same dark sky,

I Question myself,

If...Anyone would ever realize the torture i was forced to smile with.

If...Anyone could sees n feel the pain n fears i sees.

If...Anyone would ever realize i need someone there.

If...anyone could realize i need unleashed the real me...

If...Anyone would realize i need to find myself,

To leave this darkness of loneliness and pain...

Will anyone ever Realize???

Damn... i feel so stress...now.. in class... Jus now, roru said i am an owl... U wanna know why... coz i didn't sleep yesterday...sleep at ard 6am... wake up ard 30mins after that.. haha!! By now u guys shld have guess... that i am super bored, i dun understand a shito... and i dun know wat gonna happen...Damn seh... stesss stresss.... how how how.....Mind not working, not getting anything... nothing at all!!!! i dun know! a thing....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SHITO...

Its 2:11 am, I really am tired, but i just can't seem to fall asleep peacefully. When i could fall asleep, i would then woken up a minutes after that. It became a lil stressful. It has been on for the past few days. Wonder wats wrong now. So today, i tried to sleep, but then i can't so i given up, so decided to just open my lappy, see wat i cld do. Oh well... But i seem to like lost interest in everything i do. I wanted to do my PP, but i just can't do it. Part of me is tired, but since i can't sleep, it explain why i can't seem to do anything.

Don't you think people can be so complicated at times...Like this person, seem so nice to me, talk to me from time to time. Then, to me if u are friends, you shld know that we can't be msging everyday. Its logical right. We all are busy with our own life... Then suddely a msg comes up... saying something that i never did do... saying i only msg the person if i need something. Well, mum tot me never depend on people... and so it becomes me, i never like depending on people... i dun ask for anything from anyone. Never expect any help from anyone too. The person know that and shitty said tat in the msg... i was like furious.. keep it out of my mind... damn... sometimes i wonder why people like tat... funk u know me... and u said tat... freak... u FUCKING SHIT!!!!... MOTHER FUCKING SHIT U!!!... really SIALANZZZzzzz kau... mati tak nak pe!!!...I don't need poeple to fuck up my life coz i think it is already shit up...And if U think i am that bad... DAmn then FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE K.... THIS GOES TO ALL OUT THERE WHO KNOWS ME... IF U THINK I AM BEING UR FRIEND COZ I WANT SOMETHING FROM U... THEN JOLLY WELL FUCK OFF.... i become someone friend coz i just feel like, coz i tresure the friendship we make...coz i never tot u would stab my back...coz i wanna be there for u ppl... not coz of fame( if u think u are that famous or popular..) Not coz of money (i dun think money make the world go round) Not coz of anything... i just like being ppl friends...friendship is something u treasure, all the momentu were there for ur friend, all the time u spent laughing or even crying, out if stress, pain or anything... knowing someone is there for u too.... tat is just it...

i guess it explains why i only hand out with few ppl...cox there is ppl tat is just damn complicated and crazy!!

HAIZzzzz.....

My view on myself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of boyfriend am i looking for:

You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

My readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of my love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

My views on education

Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for me:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do i view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are my most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is my true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

Basically, i took this personality test, posted by AHMAD in his bloggy. So i tried, and This is the result... Sruprisingly, most parts are true...i post the link later... kinda lost it.. haha... So, see how well u know me... if u cld identify which is true that is.... haha!!

Lately alot had been happening. And when i say alot, it does mean alot. Lets see.. Here is the list :-

- PP ( professional profiling  my sch project ) not done...

- Sch fees transation not ok...

- chosing modules for next sem ( to go for advance diploma or not?? )

- Then a friend who wen overseas for work is currently unreachable... so miss the person...

- Then, some more money bill problems...

- Then this month never get pay...Shitty...

- Worried if my coming pay (in July stupid seh...) would be enough or not... damn it...

Well, i guess basically that is the most of the things in my mind currently.  There is also other things like worrying about my grade... About the bills...i jus don't want my family to pay for the shit mistake i did... so that why i am stressing myself so much to find money... but u know la.. its not easy... Its the reason why i start working...Haiyo.. So the stressful at times...Especially wen ur best fren always bz... ur close fren at times bz.. and u dun want to stress them much.. and to say that i think i only ahave ard four close/best fren... roru, ahamad, mar, najibul, yanty... haha... Well...even tho they are bz, its ok.. coz i still have them to go to at times.. jus that i rather leave them alone.. i be ok.. but there is also some ppl... like..someone.. who chat wth me in msn la kan... i tell him my problems and stress at times.. he seems nice...haha.. then wat.. well... life have to go on tho.. i dun like to make ppl suffer. Especially the family... that y i am trying to make uo for my mistake... haiz... hope god is on my side... haiz... lost abit at times...

Frankly, i am not sure what they mean by digital drawing.. I think it's those that u didn't draw it by hand but use of digital media... Well... so i think this is one.. well hell i do not know... but anywaes.. lets get back to this...

It was one of the day, well, not today... the one who reads up blog frequently or my friends, shld know that i do not update my blog every single day... So, it was those days that i feel down, shit up, alone, sick of life and all..Hence, this came up. Well, its amazing what ur computers and laptops and all the programs could do... Well, anywae, i was feelin shit... so yea.. i came up wit these... its wat i do. To calm myself down, i draw or paint, but since i cant do that when i am in sch or for some other reason, i do it in my laptop. It doesn't calm me down as much but i guess it helps abit.

So anywae.. i like the feelin wen we are on the swing... damn i was a child the last time i had the feeling... Freely swing away...Even if at the other side of the world or even other side of me is in chaos... Who the hell cares... the freeness... the feelin of nothing to care about in the world...  The wind in ur hair... The whooosssshhh feeling when it goes down... and up again... haha... damn i miss that feeling... but now.. all is felt is empty, alone.... What i feel these days... is the pic u see here.... The color... the empty swing... the chaos... the building ... Tell me what u think....

In my 19 years of life... i cld never undestand one thing.. Why people that at a point of time meant alot to u, cld gone or walk away jus like tat. As though u never know them.. As though they don't know tat at tat particular point of time of ur life, they actually meant alot to u...

Have u ever wonder why?? Well, if u don, i guess i have and always will be.. Or have u ever wonder if u ever had done it to someone.. I haven't but i wonder how they feel... Do they walk out jus like tat witout guilt?? Or do they feel guilty but never cld go back?? Or they jus enjoy making ppl suffer...?? Wat is it?? i wonder...

Its always a wonder...Maybe they don feel how it is felt to have someone tat meant alot to u to jus walk away or dissappear jus like tat.. It suck... It feels like shit... It feels like the whole world abandon u.. It feels BETRAYED!!!! Damn Fucking Shit Up BETRAYED!!! Wanna know why..?? coz the person who u tot wld be there for u.. who at the point of time means something to u.. who at tat time make u feel tat there is something nice to look forward to in life wen everything i shit up.. jus walk away.. or jus dissappear... imagine the ones who mean alot jus dissappear or walk out of ur life... GOd.. even a loner or jus some ppl, who are disable or wat so ever knows how it feels la.. even ur pet knows how it feels la.... BETRAYED!!!!! fucking shit BETRAYED!!!

Haiz...still dun understand why some of these ppl jus walk away or dissappear jus like tat... its like u come, u be for tat person.. be his or her backbone..help in al u can, promise tis n tat... than u walk away... its like the same like u come to the restaurant, ask for the waiter.. get a conversation with him or her.. saying all kinds of things.. making the waiter trust tat u are gonna order some fancy shit, then u tell the waiter... ok i need to think wat to eat.. there is like a whole lots of stuff.. i cant decide... waiter say ok.. then in a while.. u walk off.. just like tat.. the waiter than was shock.. and say.. fuck tat customer sah.. this n tat.. last walk off never buy anything.. two-faced-pain-in-the-ass...

So... if anyone would like to answer or debate or give ur opinion.. jus go ahead k.. would love to hear from other ppl point of view.. Why do ppl cld jus walk away frm our life.. jus like tat... why?? how cld they??? how???

Well, do not really knows the history behind vesak dae, but hey, its a public holidae...haha.. well.. basically..spent the day at home...doing alot of stuff... well not tat alot but.. but yeah...

In the morning.. not exactly morning wen i woke up.. was like noon la.. da ptg la sei... hahaha.. Wake up, seeing my cousin jus came back from bangkok/thailand. Bought me t shirt.. nice la sei.. haha. And 2 key chains, one is elephant, the other one is a kid looking small doll, wearing a tradisional clothing..their tradisional clothing la.. was cute...

Then followed mum to Cwp.. she want to buy some stuff in cold storage.. Tot she wanted to cook the normal stuff...followed her ard.. then come back.. she cook chicken rice.l the sambal was like power la... Go MummY!!... haha.. By then, i think she metion to me like 3 times already tat she wanted to see the movie congkak...

Aft she cook and all.. she quickly sit at the living room's sofa.. wanna know why... haha coz there was a scary story.. hahaha.. she was like concentrating and watching it la.. while i clean up the last bits aft she cooked.. haha no big deal anywae..

Then... aft we sit and watch several stories, se told me to get up and help her clean up the storeroom!!! damn.. seriously.. there was like a tonns of stuff la inside...so we took quite a while to clean i up.. aft clean up, and throwing the rubbish and all... i wen to mum's room since she was like lying down.. i lie down beside her.. and fallen asleep... hehe.. tired la sei...By this time.. its like alot of times already tat she mention to me tat she want to see the movie..

I sleep abt.. not more than an hour.. i think.. then my cousin ask me to follow her go take the pics she sent for printing at one of the Cwp photo shop... then mum ask to do some checking stuff.. then ask me to get money n buy tickets to watch the movie..

Then.. its the 9.55pm show.. cousin have to head home.. so its jus my 2nd sis, lil bro, mum dad n me... the sotry was like keep making us shoock... if got heart attack can die... haha... was and enjoying dae aftall... haha..at least somehing...

At times when i pause and jus keep to my own mind, in a way jus sit and kept quite and jus reflect what ever i felt like in my own mind and heart....At times it ends with me feeling lost and confused, or sometimes jus blur, while at other times i jus felt sad and lonely.. Maybe its just typical..Or maybe its not.. Maybe i am disturbed, maybe i am not..Maybe i am jus disturbed by the past..Or even the present..

At times, as i look ard me.. seeing the ppl ard me, alot went thru the mind. Sometimes wen i see ppl ard me so happily laughing, i wonder wat makes them so happy. Somtimes it makes me wonder how ppl could be so happy at times, without realising someone close to them is suffering in some other ways. Then wen i see a mum and her childrens, i like to see the reactions between the kid and them. See how they response to watever their mum told or talked to them abt. Alot then came across the mind. Like wen i see mum saying or telling something to the kid, and the kid react like he doesn't care or in a bad way..i wonder why we kids do that sometimes.. Thinking back, i woder how many times i hated my mum naggings...but then as my life past by..realising how much she have scacrifice for us, how much she she forgiven us or not..how much she say alot of stuff tat is good for us but we hate it when she told us that wat we do is wrong.. Then after everything.. i realise, no matter how much she may hate wat i do.. or no matter if she would throw me out for wat ever reason ( touch wood, I never done anything wrong..) no matter how much she may hate me.. I on the other hand would always treasure her.. for all tat she done.. for all...

At times, when i see ppl...i feel irritated by the way they treat others or even me.. Like the times wen u are like being ignored, or being treated as if u are never there wen u are actually part of the team. Like in sch, its suposed to be a grp werk, then they like say its ok.. jus read the on the stuff i do the ppt... i know its easier.. but i feel tat i not doing anything.. it piss me off.. The fact that i feel tat i am like not doing anything and all piss me off.. Coz i feel tat i am not contributed and on top of tat it really make me feel lost.. i know u guys are fast learners and all that.. but i am not.. sorrie i am like this.. but seriously ppl..let me know wat u ppl doing...Then at times wen i see ppl treating their so called love ones like.. like their dog, must follow every single thing they say, i feel sad for the person, pity the person for always having to do watever they are told.. While at times i saw who shout at their gf in the middle of the world, i feel really angry, even if u are angry and even if ther gal do something wrong, can't u guys settle it in private... are u guys so damn shameless??!! for goodness sake every1 would be staring guys.. i know its ur own fucking buiseness la.. but common la.. no shame? And pls.. mind the ppl ard la.. it disturb the peace of others k.. especially those malay couples.. act like they are so big shot like tat... if u not shame.. we malays feel every shameful tat such ppl exsist in our community.. we are usually related to good cultured community..

Of course.. there is alot of stuff that i saw.. for now.. i think i could only saw this much...Till next time...

-= DeviLAid =-

Well, its been a while since i last updated my blog... Well, at times i felt that there nothing to tell u ppl. Well, maybe there is stuff that happen, but its not such a big deal.. so i felt tat its useless to post it..

Anywaes.. MOTHER's dae ard the coner.. damn... out of money.. sch makes me spend alot i guess.. haiz... so the sad. Even if i have the money.. do not know wat to buy for her... haha.. so the pathetic rite.. haiz... so the sad.. The other day, i went to Ayer Hitam, its in Jb...some sort like a nearly 2 hrs f bus ride.. if u take the express bus.. if not.. it will be like a 3 hrs plus kinda ride.. haha.. Went wit mum, dearest cousin ( like my sis, like my mum also to me..) and her daughters.. haha 2 small kid.. she live in jb, so ask her to bring us... i am actually happy going there with them.. even though it abit sad that nowadays no one follows her ard anymore.. only me wenever i cld.. Was happy i got to spend the whole day wit her.. even if she was concentrating on my sis coming wedding preparations.. got myself an spongebob pillow.. haha cute.. we walk n walk n walk... keep buying drinks coz it was hot.. and thirsty.. mum keep feeling thirsty.. then.. after that.. wen we nearly going home.. we then go and eat.. at this lke coffee shop... the fried rice.. was damn spicy.. nice.. seriously.. different from sg one la.. then with yong tau foo...haha power la..its like kampong taste ( the fried rice i mean) haha... Its nice to taste something diffent from the typical tase of sg... but overall, i had fun.. really.. jus following her ard.. This was my labour day, spending day out in jb wit mum.. Sooriiiiee tat it was like a week or two ago la.. haha...

Then wat else happen... hmmm...then... a friend of mine.. who i known not for like such a long time.. but we gotten close... hehe.. its a wonder how we cld get close with someone on such short notice.. haha.. but a sweet person.. sometimes would call me later at nite to talk to me till i feel sleepy.. Normal case la.. Cant sleep.. haiz... still the same prob.. haiyo.. anywae... The friend.. have to go oversea!!!! so the sad...and the fact that i missed the person msn msg jus b4 went off.. i was offline told the person to call b4 wenting off.. but msn.. haiz.. but its ok... the day before we talk on the fone.. was singing to me songs after song.. haha so the sweet.. but lets pray he goes and come home safetly k...after 4 months then will be back.. haiz.. its okie...

THen.. wat else happen.. hmm.. as per normal.. we get irritated by some ppl at sch and such.. haha ros shld know who.. haha anywaes.. life as per normal goes on.. wit all the problems and such in my head.. well.. still having my morning pains and all.. my back still hurts.. haiz... wonder wat will happen next....

Each person is made in a different way rite.. And each person have their own of everything, the way they do stuff, dressing, wat they like and the way they think, the way they think about the good, and the bad.. each person is very different.. but most have a common one like.. we shldn't do this n tat.. but some ppl, i jus dun get it.. Why some ppl do stuff that is at times.. u know u shldn't... At times i think some of these ppl are sickenin..

Why i say these?? For example.. things that even some bad boys or gals do not play around with.. DEATH... but u know wat..Some ppl are jus sickening.. like i said.. sickenin.. There was this story.. a gal, was said to lost her bf who died in brunei.... told by the family.. then a week after crying and crying and the fact that she cant give her last respect to the body.. she was damn sad.... she received a call.. u.. u... the voice call.. as she jus woke up.. she said yes.. so then the voice said.. u remembered who i am or not?? To her shock, it was him.. his dead b4.. Well so called to be dead.. then after dead he said some stupid reason like.. they mistaken someone who look like him to be dead.. the thing is.. mistaken identity happens seldom in hospital.. it cld happen if both do not have an identity card with them.. and something like tat.. then the bf said again.. cld u help me.. i wanna go back to sg.. but i dun have enuf money for the flight.. i have werked abit to collet some. but the flight is later.. and i still lack or $50.. the she said.. go find help.. then he said.. u tranfers some money to me la.. u know my acct no rite.. then she think back.. he is in brunei.. how to acess POSB back acct there?? no such thing.. Then she think again.. he said all his stuff the family took back.. then why he have his POSB accnt card?? No logic!! But part of her wanted to help..  but too bad she dun have money.. thank god.. I think god pity her for always helping him.. Then she said she dun have money.. then he was like.. help la help la.. borrow from anyone.. or sell ur hp...she said.. no i cqaqnt ddo that.. i'm sorrie.. Then after that.. she was bz wit other stuff. so then he never call again. as he said the no wasn't his.. some brunei aunty.. but the number is sg number.. no logic again!! Then after that she was like crusing.. what the fuck was he trying to do!!!

Yeah like i said.. sickening ppl..1st he made her go thru all his  problem.. she help him all the time.. at the last straw.. u played with death!!! U mother fucking chain saw son of a bastered guy!!!!!!! sorrie for the vulgar..This is wat i said that some ppl.. i jus cant seem to understand what they are doing.. This is am example of some weird nonsense that some ppl do..And  the fact that at times they do this stuff to ppl that actually did care abt them.. stupid ppl..then end up.. u totally lose their trust.. ont only tat i lost the person too.. haha.. suit the person rite.. sooner or later then would feel their lost of the person that were there for that stupid nonsense person.. Seriously.. i do notunderstand these ppl.. wonder why they do stpid stuff. Its not liike u gain anything good from doing all these nonsense stuff... all u could get back is hated by the other person.. and the lost of someone..But seriously.. who would understand these ppl..... would u??

AaaaarrrrrggggggHHH... So the tired... Have to wake up early everyday. Sometimes it feels so tired... ANd feeling the aches on my back the minute i open up my eyes.. Ouch.. i am in class and i still can feel my back aches.. And the worse is the pain i feel waist area.. Unbearable... Sit for sometime and i feel the pain.. Stand for too long i feel the pain too.. Damn... And the worse for today is that i having headache.. Getting migraine again. PLs not now.. Not so soon... i Wanna Get another A grade for Ai Tee's lesson... haha.. she is a great faci.. Even ask me just now how is my dad.. as i told her i been so tired and all..Like tellin her what i been thru in my life in my rj.. haha.. didnt mean to.. but she make me tell in a way..Well maybe its jus me.. Sometimes u jus need to let out to someone.. Ahhh... its like complains.. u need to complain to someone sooner or later. If u got bf/gf.. they will be the one u complain to every now and then.. if u close to ur friends, then u complain to them sometimes..While at times it not complains.. its ur feelings and depression u feel that u wanna let out.. They are just like complains...But its okie to let them out u know.. it reliefs the so call burdenor stressness u feel. Even though at most of the times, no one could help. but having someone that listens to all ur naggings, ur feelings, ur stress, could make u feel better.. At times it makes u feel that there are still someone who cares even at the darkest moments of ur life.. though... At times..Like me.. When at times.. there isn't anyon there.. and the only thing u got is urself and like wat.. teddy bear?? U just have to be strong.. Its hard but u have to be strong.. No matter wat, in this life, there are points of times in which u have to face everything by urself. having to do everything by urself isn't that bad. Sad, anger, stress, tiredness will all come all at once.. but u jus have too.. i guess everyone goes thru it some time. Look it in another way, its just a stteping stone to make u a stronger person. To make u prepare for watever cld happen to u in near future. U cldn't always depend on ppl to be there for u 24hrs a dae..other ppl have their stuff too.. while some.. wld jus leave u sooner or later.. its fate..

Ade org kate... kalau sakit tu, tande nye yg tibe masenye u rest.. Kalau kite sakit tande nye da mase nye kite rest.. then kalau org tu mati?? tande nye ape lak?? Kalau org mati, tande nye, mase dier da sampai...

Lepas tu ade org kate... bile org da mati kite akan dgr... " sudah lah, da mase dier pergi.. Tuhan sygkan die lebih..." Kadang2 terfikir jugak.. ape, jahat nah ke aku... kalau tuhan tak amik nyawe aku dulu, die tak syg aku sgt la?? ape je... kan DIE tu adil.. Tak kan dier mcm kite2 ni.. org tu kate syg.. org tu kite syg cikit.. org lagi satu tu tk syg.. ape aje la.. Tapi.. da bagus tu org2 ni cube make u cheer up.. da bagus la tu...

Then ade org kate pulak.. " anak dier mesti jahat nanti besar.. ko tgk je la bapak dier nye peragai.." Ni part bedek... Example.. bapak aku.. ade a kisah2 nye.. tapi mak aku jagu takde ape2 pun.. satu2 masok jugak sch, dapat jugak grad.. akak aku da khawin pun sak.. takde pun masal anak uat peragai.. Kalau ade makcik2 cakap kat korang gini.. ko pergi kat dier kate.. " makcik.. nanti makcik nye anak pun same... tgk je la mak die ni.. mulut banyak busuk.. cuci dgn clorok pun tak hilang sak baunye cik..." Ni kalau die tak paham...aku tak tahu la kan...

Macam2 la org2 ni kate kan.. ade yg sakit hati, ade yg memang tak masuk akal, ade pulak tu cume cube try2 pujuk la conon.. haha.. Untuk sekarang, ni aje aku ade untuk session " Ade org kate " untuk sekarang.. Nanti aku free, aku sambung... ni pasal tgh nk let go stress nye session.. kalau megarut.. buat bodoh sudah la k... bye ppl!!

On Sat, i gotten a news.. One that makes me cry.. One that i never expected it to be.. Damn.. I feel so lost.. Wen i gotten the news, i wanted to cry.. but damn i can't.. COz mum and all would ask why.. and i knw i wont be able to explain. LAte that nite.. i cry.. while i wanna go and sleep.. i cry and cry.. Damn.. WHy does all this have to happen to me.. WHy... WHat have i done wrong to deserve all this.. I wish i knw.. The only thing i cld do is pray.. Pray to god to give me the strength to go thru all this... Pray to HIM that he give me patience to go thru all this.. Pray to HIM.. That's all i cld do..

Damn.. its getting more and more complicated huh... Well u guys knos wat.. i am like getting headache every now and then.. Well i guess it coz i think too much and the fact that i been stressing out in class.. AARRHHH.. i have Science everyday!! hahaa.. serve me rite for choosing abt medication.. no says its gonna be easy... ALmost everyone says u can't do it.. That u are not capable enough.. WEll, i'll show u ppl... WHo cares anywae.. not doing this for u ppl... Doing it for mum and myself..and of coz for my lil bro.. and all in the family..

Then yesterday i made someone angry.. well, i didnt mean it.. Its just at times when u not in the mood and all, then the person tried to cheer u up but end up u jus gets more stressed up, and in the end u get angry and say something stupid like.. u are the same like everyone.. and make the person angry..and aaaarrgggggg!!!!!! i really didnt mean it u knw..

DAmn.. me and my mouth.. Then i got a late nite call.. someone in the hospital.. damn.. too bad the person is not in singapore.. if not i wld rush there after sch.. AAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!! But he is not.. AAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!! i will prar that the person will be fine.. and he can come back soon..

THere... here got extra ppl typing...Hi, this is Shyda. And I'm bored. Waidah is currently stressed up, as she's having science module everyday! If you were in our place, you will be feeling how we feel too. Ok done!

Kan pelik dunia nie... Dgn senang kite boleh percaye kan seseorg itu... Dan dgn sekelip mate jugak, dgn senangnye seseorg itu boleh memperdayakan kite..

Kenape aganknye.. org2 ni suke tipu.. or in another words.. pijak kepale kite bile kite da baik dgn org tu... ye la.. org lame selalu kate.. buat baik berpade - pade, buat jahat jgn sekali... So, ni ke balasan kite bile kite tak uat jahat ?? pelik kan..

Kenape agaknye org2 ni dapat bile they pijak kepale kite tu?? kepuasan?? atau.. saje je nk tgk org mcm kite derite?? Sialan la kadang2 org2 nie kan...

Yang lain sial ye la bile org2, yg kite anggap kawan, buat sial belakang kite.. In aother words.. is like when a person u trusted, stab u in the back.. years of friendship cld jus gone...Pelik2 org2 nie kan.. They uat hati kite nie.. mcm mainan.. tak suke je.. atau boring je.. main la... try tgk org tu sabar ke die perang...

Ape yg they dapat bile they uat gini??? ape??? 

Today... when i woke up.. i was lazy.. mum n dad had sent my lil bro to religious class then they went jb for a while.. then 2nd sis when to attend a wedding..1st sis n bro in law went out.. let me.. i had to go werk at 4pm.. so i was left alone.. did not feel like getting up so i ended up reading a book..till i realise tat i shld be going to werk..i was actually getting late.. tell the truth.. i am sick n tired of the job, and the fact that the pay suckz and to think my fares are really expensive.. damn it.. so i went out rushing... then mum called.. ask me if i got money... i was at the bus stop.. asked me to go back up n so i did.. still rushing.. then she waited at the lift at the 10th floor.. wit $5..am so thankful for tat.. the rush back to the bus stop.. waited for the bus again.. so then when i was in my 2nd bus..i was reading and listenin to music.. by this time my head is really getting painful.. i had it frm mornin but the pain was nt this painful.. then i stop reading.. and tried to get some Zzzz.. sleep.. then when i open my eyes.. i saw this lady giving bananas to 2 monkeys..haha the area was jus forest.. so i guess there will be wild monkeys ard.. cute... haha...Then when at werk.. gotten down frm the bus.. i felt like puking.. but cant since i havent really eaten.. so then i change to my werk uniform, bought mineral water and snikers..chocolate.. haha.. then.. normal la at werk.. then suddely this cute guy came in.. he is malay but fairer than me.. damn he is so cute.. came to the counter with some shaver.. asking me is there is still those disposable ones.. Since i was so distracted by the way he talk (so the nice..) and how cute he is... i accidentally said no.. oppsss, i am so sorrie... but damn he is cute...hahaha...Anywae.. i still got the headache till now.. and i am already home.. damn it rite... i guess i been thinking too much.. that is why, i cant keep doing this... my migraine have already been getting worse.. and the fact i dun have anymore of my medicine... do u know migraine can be fatal.. damn... hope i dun die soon.. well its in HIS hands.. jus hope its not soon coz i still have a duty to my mum and lil bro.. until he is old enuf, and got stable job.. i wont walk away frm my duty... and especially not when i get my mum to stop werking.. and let her live in peace, i wont walk away frm my duty... life is hard... but we still have to face it...

Well, 5th march, I turned a year older now.. today... Tell u the truth.. it makes no difference to me.. I just turned a year older.. Nothing else change.. But I am thankful that I am able to stand among others, and the ppl I love, and to be able to see them happy leading their life they way the think best... Well... it feels a bit lonely... But I guess it just the same as any other day.. that's why it feels a bit lonely. Well I am used to it.. so I be okie...

Didn't get sleep aft I came back from work the day b4.. Came back a bit late and got lock outside.. HaHa... But I already told mum I coming home a bit late. A bit became more than a lil a bit as saw my old friend at sembawang.. Asked me to follow go eat, since its been a while since we talk and hang out, and to think it was my Bdae..And since I told mum I be coming home a bit late.. I went along.. Eat at sembawang.. so then, we hail a cab..to sent me home first.. so sweet..

Then 5th march..Well, morning, since I can't sleep..I got up from bed.. to the living room.. talk and talk and then... then followed mum go pay bills..buy food for the sisters. Then got home, 1st sis gave me a watch..Thnx.. Then I cook.. like normal la kan.. Then.. aft everything.. mum wen and sleep. and I rested at my room.. Then it gets all bored till I fall asleep...finally..HaHa.. I was waiting to get sleep.. woke up and found a box in my cupboard.. I got this white skirt wit black roses on it.. HaHa from 2nd sis la ni.. Thnx...

Tho I feel bit lonely today, Thnx for the ppl that had wish me happy Bdae thru sms or net or msn.. Thnx u guys...But.. Thnx.. seriously to all.. AHHhhh da tue!! hahakkzzz.. But thanks to all okie.. even if its for just remembering.. thnx alot...love u ppl k..muack muackss..

Waidah

Well, Have U actually ever wonder.. Why these ppl comes and goes as they please.. Weird isn't it.. They come, get to know U, promise to be Ur friend and all that..make u trust them and all.. But then Stab u in the back or just.. leave u.. Disappear just like that.. Weird isn't it.. Ppl... Lies..

At times I wonder why they even bother to be Ur friends when they actually would leave u.. or disappear just like that sooner or later.. And to top it all off.. they actually promise u.. No wonder they say," Promises are meant to be broken." Haizzz...

Then.. It would lead u to this.. Have u ever wonder why.. Why u even believe these ppl?? Have u ever wonder why no matter how many countless number of times ur friends played u out, or promise some things or even the countless number of times u made a friend and they leave u with unkept promises.. u still make new friends and believe them. even when in the end... u know they aren't really gonna kept being there or keep their promise..Well, I wonder why..

Well, I guess its ok to wonder why at times.. Well, I guess we just want someone to be there for us..Especially when we really in need of someone to turn to.. But its just weird how someone could just be there then the next min, they disappear from ur life, acting like hey never ever existed in ur life before.. Don't they feel the guilt? Well, i guess I will keep wonder why.. Till maybe one day, someone give an answer to it.. But I guess, everyone would answer differently to these question..

But if anyone of u, who reading this, might wanna let out some suggestion or opinion to these question or tots of mine.. pls fell free to do so aite.. I would love to read some views of others...

This pic originally was jus plain chain up hands.. not bloody.. on a black banckgrd. Then i edited it... throwing in some tribal patterns and a rose at the right coner...Then finishing it up wit some color.. As in i made the hands bloody... was quite bored with jus a plain one.. HaHA.. its cool wat photoshop cld help u do huh..Cool huh..

If u guys wanna know..this is what i do when i am bored.. If i cant draw or paint.. This is like the replacement to it.. its cool.. interesting to me.. its jus like drawing.. u need to put in ur ideas all together in and make it out.. like drawing.. u get the ideas, ur pencil do all the werk.. and last, we get the final piece.. Using comp, its the same.. get the ideas, we use our fingers.. move the cusor.... and the way we go.....!!!! wohooo!!!

Ahhh.. Holidayz..
Always boring..
Dapat keje.. but i think they don like me...
She make me werk like, one day per week..
Puas Hati tak yah keje kan...
Belohkan!!!!!!!!!!
Fuck these ppl seh..
Might as well u Sack me rite!!
Senang sikit.. got a reason to get another job..
Shit ppl...

Lately kan..
Its been so boring..
Lonely abit..
Everyone is like so damn bz...
Haiz.. nasib ko la waidah!!!
WAIDAH.. UR LIFE IS DRY, N BORING!!!
face it..

N u know wat..
THese ppl keep popping up when they got prb..
Weird kan..
Mcm la aku ni conselor..
But i dun mind....
I like to listen to them..
Jus to be there for these ppl..
But well.. its sad coz not all ppl know i got prb too..
Jus a cheerful gal they see..
Damn...

At times i wish they see the truth..
But too bad.. truth could never be seen...
Haiz..
Looks like my bdae.. gonna be one lonely one...
Hell yeah...
CHill ppl!!

Call me wen u need someone to talk to aiitteee..
Hotline open 24hrs... all nit and day!!
Haha...
But seriously.. call me if u need someone to talk to aitee...
Take care!!

Well,
Wonder what to blog lately..
Been rather lost at times.. weird isn't it..
And my hp charger been uat peragai..
Jap boleh.. jap tak boleh... stress seh..
Then.. ouh have u ppl seen..

The hp, sony ericsson W980i...
Its new.. not out yet.. or is it?
Not sure.. but hell.. like it.. ahhh..
Then...
Nokia 7500 prism,
Has a cool design..
But nokia 7900 crystal prism
Has cool color..

Haha... got nothing better to talk abt huh..
Hehe...
Damn bored la...

This yr..
i guess it would be the same..
It be plain simple..
i dun mind..
I dun need anything basically...
just see everyone truly happy for once...
I got everything i need..
A hp to sms or call, mp3 to listen to...
To my sis and family..pls..
i dun want anything anymore ok...
No i need a hp ok...
haha... Jgn la akak sal bazir duit tu..
haha...

Ahhh.. i jus hope...
Everything would be fine,
Jus hope..
all will be happy...

Hope so...

last u ppl knoe..
i was happy..
Then now..
All have fallen apart..

Weird..
How Happiness ends in sadness..
I cried alot...
Alot.. and alot..

Feeling lost than ever..
Ha.. guess i will forever be lost..
Sad rite...

Damn i hate myself...
hate being me.. hate it...

SOme1 pls help me...
i am lost..

So hey ppl...
How is the new year for u ppl??
This week...
Hmm...
cried alot...

On Sat...
meet yanty, my bestie...
Well we talk abt our stress n all..
She always there for me thanks...
Meet Him too...
He was trying so hard to help...
Thank u for being there for me too...

Sun..
Well updating my blog..
Edit pics..
Ouh and my another best cousin,
Which i am close with...
Fid ( in short ) is coming over!!
Haha.. its been a long time since i meet her...
damn..
missing her too..
So yeah... got to go...
HaHa...
see u ppl ard...!!

Well,
Its been weeks since i last blog..
Sorrie to all..
i was jus bz..
skool started..
And got another special person entered my life..
Well..
Its been sweet, nice..
I cried few times... here and there..
Basically i cried alone..
Well.. i hope he is here now..
Guess he too busy..Busy with everything else...
But me...
Well.. i have to understand rite..
so everytime he call late..
all i cld say.. " its ok"
" its ok.. I paham... "
RIte now... i jus miss him..
Feel like crying..
Wish he wasn't tat bz..
Wish he is here...

There goes my saturdae...
GOne... spending with jus me..
ANd... ME...
ANd just my laptop...
Damn it feels lonely again..

-=- DeviLaid -=-